29F I’ve been dating this guy 29M for 4 going on 5 months and he recently asked me to date exclusively. Recently I’ve came across IG comments of him being flirtatious to his female friends and other girls online. When I confronted him about it he said that is how him and his female friends talk to eachother and asked me to send him screenshots of those comments so that he can “justify” and “add context”. I did not send him those screenshots because I did not want to put in a position for him to manipulate or gaslight me. I stayed focus on the core concept and that is his flirtatious behavior online with random girls and with his female friends is concerning because it leads me to believe he would cheat in the future. I sent him a website about the different types of infidelity and told him I want to be able to resolve this with a solution and without fighting or getting nasty with eachother. He said he will talk to me more about it today, but I want to hear your guys thoughts. Am I overreacting or his flirtatious online behavior considered a red flag?
Edit: These are some example of him being flirtatious there are more, these are just the ones I recently came across
He commented “😍” and tagged his friend saying “damn she’s fine 👏🏼” , another female friend he posted “😍damn🔥” on her selfie, another of a female friend bowling he posted “ 😍this is a replica of guys striking out on you”
These are just comments I’ve came across, I asked him if he also DMs his female friends those things and he said yes. That I should be able to understand that is how he talked to them before we started dating exclusively and it should be okay for him to continue doing it because he sees it as harmless, they are inside jokes and I should be okay with it
6 comments
Could you give examples of what him being “flirtatious” looks like?
Frankly if someone is communicating with sexual overtones with other women after being exclusive then I consider that as a red flag.
I don’t do that with any of my women friends whether I’m single or in relationship.
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You’re not comfortable with this behavior. THAT’S what’s important. You need to communicate that clearly to him. Either he responds to your concerns responsibly and changes his behavior, or you — regretfully — part company and move on.
He is a no from me.
I would see this as him having poor boundaries. I would wonder if his other boundaries are poor too, so yes, I’d see it as a red flag.
Some people just think it’s acceptable to be flirtatious and make sexual comments about the opposite sex even when they are dating. To me its disrespectful and in poor taste.
Hm maybe I’m on the wrong but those seem supportive and like encouraging comments. It seems like you’re only insecure about them because it’s someone from the opposite sex.
However if they make you uncomfortable then he should think about stopping those comments