I recently came back to my hometown and met my now boyfriend through bumble. At the beginning of us dating, I mentioned that I would be returning to Japan either in ’23 or ’24 to continue my studies. At least once a month he brings up the topic of me leaving to Japan and how when I talk about Japan he gets upset, which is valid. In the first month of our relationship he wanted to break up with me because even though he saw a future together, he felt like he would be wasting time so we took a break. The break almost immediately ended and we agreed that we would just go with the flow. He now brings this up almost every month and it causes me a lot of distress because I’m prioritising myself and my future and he says things like “why isn’t our home country enough?”, “why don’t you want to be with me?”, etc. At first I saw a future with him, but the more he mentions the issue the more the blurry the image gets. I absolutely adore him and I’ve never felt more loved and appreciated but I also don’t want to continue the relationship if he continues to bring this up even when the plan is to move to Japan in 2024. I cannot tell him a clear answer if I want to be with him for the long run (marriage) whenever he asks because I just don’t feel like it is something I need to think about. I’m currently recovering from severe depression, anxiety, etc and am focusing on my future and myself rather than partners. I love him to bits and pieces but I’m torn up because I want to live day by day and while he says he can, if he really could, he wouldn’t bring this up every month. He also just so happened to bring it up on my birthday which felt like a -1 for me but I could just be being petty. I love him a lot, is it selfish to keep going if I can’t clearly see the future or would it better to just cut it off now.
tldr; my boyfriend (25) of 6 months keeps talking about the future and keeps trying to convince me to stay in our hometown while I (21) want to prioritise and pursue my goals and my career in Japan. I love him a lot, is it selfish to keep going or would it better to just cut it off now.
3 comments
He had the right idea from the start, break up. Your relationship has an expiration date and he’s not happy about that. It’s understandable of course but he shouldn’t try to change your mind.
You’re just wasting each other’s time right now, tbh. It’d be one thing if both of you agreed to keep this relatively casual, but he obviously doesn’t want that and resents you for not staying in your country, while you resent him for being pushy about this. You should break up and try to find people you’re compatible with.
How would you feel if he offered to move to Japan?