What do you tell your partner about your previous relationships or past sexual partners?

29 comments

1. Whatever he wants to know, after 10 years we’ve discussed pretty much all of it

2. I don’t tell him anything unless he asks about and if he asks about it I’m completely honest and I will tell him everything about it if that’s what he wants to know

3. I’m pretty up front with it. I’ll normally try and bring up body counts quickly to see if it’s a problem and then I’ll disclose that I couldn’t keep track but am over a hundred.

   I watch facial expressions and body language after that along with how open they are in communication and whether they clam up or not.

   Note that I don’t really care about theirs. I just want them to be okay with mine.

4. We talked about significant past relationships.
   We talked about sexual preferences, but not directly about sexual experiences with others really. I don’t think the who is important.
   I think it’s important to talk about sex, but I don’t think it’s important to know all the gritty details of who you’ve had sex with and what exactly you’ve done with them.

5. * Nothing specific about sex. That’s private information to me and there’s no need for them to know it.
   * Nothing told to me in confidence as a secret by a prior partner. (Ex: if an ex had been abused as a child and that was not common knowledge)
   * Anything they want to know about the relationship dynamics, length of relationship, why it ended, etc.

6. Nothing. All he needs to know is that I’m clean. He doesn’t need to know any other details.

   In all honesty, a man even asking about past partners is a massive turn off for me. A red flag, almost. I don’t think that question is ever asked out of security, it’s always insecurity.

7. I don’t. There’s absolutely no need

8. Whatever he wants to know.

9. Just how long and why it didn’t work out. My current guy wanted to know why. He said it helps him be mindful of what I want and need in a relationship. I’m an open book, so if they ask, I answer. I’ve never had anyone bring up body counts. I really don’t care about theirs.

10. Not much, we’ve been together for a while now so it’s not exactly a fresh or interesting topic. Every once in a while I have a reason to bring up one of my exes, usually related to another topic – nothing about sex or romance.

11. Whatever she wants to know.

12. We have lightly talked about my ex husband and his ex girlfriend before me. But any other partners haven’t come up but I would tell him whatever he wanted to know about any of them.

13. My number of previous partners or any intimate details about them are nobody’s business. Not even my current partner’s. Nor will I ask. The exception is if they’re asking questions that are obviously meant to gauge whether I’ve been safe or careless with others, either physically or emotionally.

    Thankfully I’m at an age where most guys have learned that they don’t really want that info anyway. . Would you really feel more secure knowing your partner is willing to spill all the details about their exes’ most personal and private moments?

14. I guess if the conversation/question pops up I’ll answer honestly. I am not ashame of my sex life/experiences or lack of it lol. Rarely do I feel the need to know about my partner’s sexual history in their past relationships but I can understand if there is curiosity or some sort of insecurity surrounding sex or intimacy that my partner could have.
    Communication is essential for any type of relationship but in romantic one’s it helps to nurture love and trust in each other.

15. I tell him I’m clean. With my past sexual partners, only if he asks, I will tell.

16. We talk about that stuff pretty openly, when relevant. I wouldn’t really want to be with someone who was threatened or put off by me having a sexual past.

17. I answered any questions he asked, and vice versa. We don’t have secrets.

18. Basically anything that’s funny or important to know. Why hide it?

19. Unless it’s relevant, nothing because who cares?

20. We were friends first so he knows quite a bit and ik about him as well. But we don’t talk about it now that we’re together unless it’s about specific trauma

21. We know the major players and formative moments/relationships, as well as a general understanding that, “There’s more, but it’s never been important.”

    I don’t think anyone is entitled to know anything about someone they’re with beyond the most important things. Details come out over time as trust is built. You have to know the person you’re with can handle whatever you want to tell them without making it into a big deal.

22. Not much. Sometimes things naturally come up in conversation, and I won’t lie or sidestep any questions about my past relationships but I’m also not going to go out of my way to bring it up either.

23. I’m a firm believer in don’t ask don’t tell in that situation. The past is the past, I’d rather it be out of sight out of mind. Nothing good comes of that discussion other than self doubt and regret.

24. Hardly anything, but if I do it’s only to tell him that he’s a better guy or something that I appreciate about our relationship compared to previous ones.

25. You tell them you’ve only been with three others. The answers is ALWAYS 3

26. Anything he asks, specifically or when topics come up. I’m an open book. I don’t really get the taboo – I like knowing about my SO’s past experiences too.

27. Everything – he showed me early on how much importance he places on communication and honesty, and that there’s nothing we can’t talk about. I know different people have different levels of how much they talk about their past relationships, but for me I really enjoy not having to hide anything or not be able to talk about something. Obviously we don’t sit there talking about past relationships nonstop every second of every conversation (that’d be weird!) but it’s more that if the topic ever comes up, we know there’s no weirdness around it 🙂

28. Well, mine included sexual assault, so I guess I’ve learned to be fairly open about that bc with previous partners, certain things have triggered me and I began bawling mid-coitus.

    And there was one instance early on with my current SO when he did something very out of character that was also triggering for me and I began crying and he was really startled and not sure what was happening.

    Outside of that, I haven’t said a whole lot. My SO on the other hand has mentioned things from his past, much of the time bc I’ve been curious and inquired.

29. I don’t share things unless he asks. However, he does know I’ve been in abusive relationships, as well as my SA experiences. Knowing that trauma helps address some of my issues during sex- I’ve never had triggers but I certainly struggle with some areas.