I(m27) have been going through a very rocky patch with a girl f25. To keep things short we saw each other for a month, and it went very well, we saw each other 1-2 times a week and got to the point of exclusivity at the end of that month. We agreed we wanted to be exclusive and then she changed her mind about me and was very uneasy with us having sex “so soon” and us kissing “so soon” as well. She was very all over the place for the last week and a half, taking days to text back, very half assed texts, cancelled on me last minute to hang, then just ghosted and never cancelled just straight up ignored me.
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In terms of texting her, I never really sent many. I for the most part kept it 1:1. but this past week? my fucking head is a rollercoaster because our ‘relationship’ is a rollercoaster. She said she pulled back, but then never formally ended it, but then refused to see me so I kinda flipped shit. I texted her a long ass text stating my mind. I listed all the things she said, how she came to me to tell her she liked me, like she felt she grew around me, etc and asked her how she can say and do all the things she did but then ghost me. I told her she always spoke about being a good person, but her actions lately indicate otherwise and I didn’t deserve the way she treated me because I was always patient with her emotional issues from her previous ex, never once was rude and always was patient. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, but man, did I feel freaking hurt.
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She replied saying she didn’t mean to come across that way, and she’s just been busy. I asked if we can talk in person, and I am can finesse some time this week. She later texts me, kinda upset/pissed saying “you said a lot of shit about me and im not about this. you removing me from instagram then readding me, it was too much. you shouldn’t list someones flaws and issues next time.” I removed her from instagram a few days prior because I thought it was over(again, she ghosted me for our hang out AND ignored me for days…I figured fuck this) and tried no contact but then she texted me so…I readded her. Probably not the smartest but honestly but my fucking head has felt so anxious I wasn’t thinking clearly. I prolly came off a bit clingy but fuck man, I swear to god, I’ve never been so stressed over a girl before. So confused, so unsure what to do. I regret opening up to her, and letting her in.
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I asked if we could speak on the phone, and apologized if I felt like I hurt her since she said she was but then told me to stop texting her which I did. I feel like, I should have controlled my feelings better and maybe did overwhelm her but in her defense she was legit all over the place and kept pulling back then giving me a bit of rope, it was a strange dynamic that was fucking with my head. Even talking to my friends, everyone said to leave her, but I didn’t listen…
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I really liked her, but it’s over now. I haven’t liked someone like this in a very long time, it hurts, but I guess I can only move on and try to control my feelings in the future and also not entertain half assed bullshit like this in the future. I really wish things could have been different, but perhaps I’m just projecting what I wanted onto this situation(and her, to an extent). I mean, she was so busy but went to see her friends…actions are louder than words and she made 0 effort to see me or talk in person.
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I’m not dating for a bit. I am a pretty closed off person but for some reason felt I could trust her and she had 0 issue taking my feelings for a fucking ride. “love” hurts so damn much man, and I feel so upset because I feel like I don’t wanna give it up again. It’s beautiful when it works, but it’s so painful when it’s played with and not respected. And she didn’t really respect my time often throughout our time together.