My Dad told my brother who had cancer that he wishes he had died and that he’s worthless

My dad told my brother who had cancer he wishes he had died and is worthless

My (27f) younger brother (23m) got lymphoma which spread to his brain. He hasn’t been the same ever since. He is difficult to deal with to be completely honest. Today I got a text from him telling me my dad told him he wishes he had died and that he is worth nothing.

I completely believe him because my parents were both physically and verbally abusive growing up. Both parents have called me names, put me down and I was hit a lot growing up. For instance, my dad beat me so bad I got a black eye because I accidentally woke him up at like 7am by talking to my mom from across the house. My mom covered it up with makeup and asked me to lie at school. My dad has threated to kill me. My older brother got beat so bad he fell and then got kicked in the ribs repeatedly by my dad all because he didn’t take his hat off when my mom asked him to. My younger brother got abused too but I got it the worst for sure, my older brother also got it bad.

Personally, I moved across the country when I was 18. I should have cut contact with them but they seemed to have worked on themselves and I can explain more in the comments if anyone is interested. I’ve flown home a lot recently to visit my brother because he got sick. He still lives with them, never moved out but can’t now for obvious reasons.

The fact my Dad said this to my brother makes me feel like they actually aren’t all that different than what they used to be. I’ll admit, since the cancer spread to his brain my brother has been really tough to get along with and I can explain more about that too if people want to know. Regardless, what my dad said was inexcusable.

Where the advice I’m seeking comes in, my mom likes to talk on the phone once a week because we live across the country. My dad also joins these calls. I recently, even before this happened, have been struggling with having those conversations because my therapist has been doing EMDR with me and I’ve had to remember a lot of really unpleasant early experiences. I think I need some space but I really do love my mom, believe it or not. She has always been the warmer one of the two despite also being abusive. I am mad at her though for even staying with someone who speaks to their children this way. To this day I really hate myself because between being abused and severely bullied as a child, I was taught that I’m less than worthless tbh. I’ve accomplished a lot and have been through years of therapy but it’s hard to see myself in a positive light after everything I went through during my development. I don’t think they truly understand how their words and actions have affected us.

How should I ask for space while also leaving the door open for repair later on? I wish I could just go NC but I just can’t. If you want more info just ask cause there’s a lot I’m leaving out for the sake of people actually reading this and offering some advice. I guess I just feel guilty for needing space because I know it will hurt my mom. I’m not even sure I truly love my Dad. I don’t hate him, I don’t wish bad on him. He just never really seemed to love me if that makes sense. We just never bonded.

TL;DR My parents who abused us as children who I thought had worked on themselves and changes really haven’t. I need space, how can I ask for it without ruining the opportunity to have a relationship going forward?