Hello, my husband and I are married for 4 years now. He spends aaaaaalll his time on his computer (playing games, watching movies, tv shows or youtube videos). He would help around the house when I ask him to. When I ask him to take care of our 2yo, he puts her to play, and sit next to her on his computer! When he wants to sleep, he starts watching some youtube videos, and sleeps on them. The videos are playing all night long! And when I ask him to turn the pc down, he doesn’t like it. So he sleeps often in the guest room, so he “doesn’t bother me”.
When I ask him to come spend some time with me , he would say “ok, how many minutes?”.. and starts counting!!!
He never count his time on his computer, but always does with me.
If he goes out to see his friends, he spends hours with them, but he never stays that long with me..
And when I ask him why, he says that he is a guy and needs more “me time” than me, and that I am never satisfied and wants to be with him all time.
What do you think please?
We have a 2yo and a 3months old, I feel overwhelmed and sad .
6 comments
Sounds like he’s addicted to screen time. I would suggest setting some boundaries regarding screen time and family time. You deserve a break too. Your wants and needs are just as important as his. He is a husband and father and needs to act like it. He’s acting like a teenage boy. Maybe talk to a therapist who can help you set some healthy boundaries. A podcast I really liked about boundaries is called beyond bitchy mastering the are of boundaries. I liked it so much I’m listening them again. I do increase the speed since she is a slow talker.
Unfortunately he isn’t mature enough yet and has his priorities wrong.
Be strict with him he’s more interested in his computer than his wife and children.
The more you let him do this behaviour the more he will he’s a Man and needs to act like one so put your foot down and don’t accept it.
Your child will grow to view this as what home life and marriage is and its not.
When he’s single and on his own he will soon notice how good he had it so let’s not let it get that far
Your in charge here.
Why did he marry you and not his computer? He really needs to get emotional intelligence. Mc can help him gain those tools. Maybe you can listen to podcasts together and discuss afterwards. Marriage therapy radio is a good one. You need to be able to tell him your feelings and be validated . He lacks emotional maturity. Spending quality time with his children is a must for them and him. You tube and games are not reality. The marriage should be top priority and given the attention it deserves. He made a commitment to honor that. Maybe do more things as a family unit. Ask him his feelings on this. He needs to realize you and the children be getting his time and attention not a computer. If he can start to gain those tools needed for emotional intelligence then you can have safe meaningful discussions. Best wishes
Unfortunately, we see this every day in this sub, so you’re not alone. He’s addicted and mostly checked out. /r/StopGaming is a sub that supports video gaming disorder, but he has to decide to change. And he clearly has not come to that decision. Like all addicts, he gets angry when you try to take his fix away.
He’s an absentee dad. And you’d probably have less work if he wasn’t in the picture. Most women would be furious over his behavior.
Maybe consider he is ADD. I am, I don’t have all the issues your husband does, but I usually go to sleep listening to a podcast using earbuds. It’s kind of hard to explain, but if I try to fall asleep without listening to something, I feel too bored and can’t sleep. If I play a podcast, I fall asleep in minutes.
It is certainly common, but it is not normal for someone to be a slave to their hobby.