I do not want to hurt anyone by breaking up with my gf but it seems like the only option
I (m19) have a gf (f20) of 10 months. We’ve become extremely close: meet VERY often, our families got to know each other and are good friends, we go to the same school. The thing is, I’ve come to realize I feel like a better person when I’m single.
She is really invested I believe, which makes it even more difficult to actually face myself with the truth that I want to break up. I feel like a terrible person for it. Even bringing it up to my mom would result in a talk about how I’m doing a mistake and so on.
But you know what sucks the most? I feel like we’d be better off as friends. I realized this too late, there’s no going back to friends now. From my side, yes, but it would devastate her. For some reason, I think of her as a best friend all the time – not a lover. We have very different outlooks on life and from all our differences, this one feels the like the heaviest (she’s a 100% rational person, relying on numbers and data, while I’m a more feelings-based person).
And again, I feel terrible for this. But I want to be single and focus on myself more. I want to read more, study for university, practise playing music, launch a project that would make me some money and much more.
What should I do? I worry my mom would not be supportive of me, even feel like I’m a failure… Just telling her I broke up would end up being a big shock for her.
tl;dr: My gf feels like a friend to me, but I do not want to hurt her feelings
4 comments
Stringing her along when you no longer feel for her romantically is actually cruel, breaking up with someone you care about is the kind thing.
I know you are a teenager but you are also an adult, your mother isn’t dating your girlfriend, she’s entitled to feel how she feels but she cannot tell you what is best for you. Only you know that.
Perhaps you can show her this. You’ve laid out your feelings very well.
The worst thing that you could do would be to string her along, wasting her time and letting her feel more hurt as she senses that something is wrong but doesn’t know what it is or how to fix it.
Just be honest with her, that you’ll never be truly happy with her in a relationship. Keep in mind, that in doing this you may lose her as a friend too as if she really is invested in the relationship, a break up will crush her. The best thing she can do is go No Contact forever and if she’s smart, she’ll figure it out sooner or later.
That is often the risk of a relationship, it’s all or nothing.
As someone who’s gone through something similar and is also very rational myself- just tell her that you dont want to continue dating. Let her make the choice if she wants to continue a friendship. At least you found out 10 months in instead of years later. You gave it a try and it didn’t work out in the end for you. That’s part of dating. It hurts for both people but you gotta do what you gotta do.