I’m in a poly relationship with my partner E(25F) and N(26M). E and M have been together about 8 months before I came along and before they opened their relationship to polyamory E developed a very severe unhealthy attachment to N. After meeting me things seemed okay but E is also a travel nurse so she was away during the first month of our relationship and it started some serious jealousy from her end. I identify as Nonbinary and go by they/them pronouns but she still views me as a woman and has admitted to seeing me as competition with her relationship with N. Recently N and I got to spend some alone time together and E went to the gym to clear her head. Unbeknownst to the both of us she limited our time together to 2 hours. When she came home and we weren’t done she threw a massive tantrum that involved a lot of yelling and slamming doors from her which she knows is triggering to N and I. She claims she loves me but I told her when she acts like this and treats me like “the other woman” I dont feel loved. Shes fine when N spends alone time with her and when I spend alone time with her but as soon as he and I have a moment to ourselves it becomes an issue. I’m honestly concerned that shes only dating me to keep her relationship with N. I dont want to break up but I feel like that’s where this relationship is headed. I don’t want to feel guilty just for loving someone.
11 comments
You’re spot on, it doesn’t sound like she actually wants to be in a poly relationship. She wants to be with him alone but it seems one of the conditions of being with him is to be in a poly relationship. I guess question for you is that so you want to be with her? Or does she just come with the territory of being with him? Communication is key here.
There’s a reason why poly throuples aren’t more common. They don’t usually work.
It doesn’t sound like a healthy poly relationship if one you feels excluded.
It’s over.
I’m so confused by the entirety of this post.
I suggest posting in the polyamory subs to get advice, this subreddit usually doesn’t deal well with anything but monogamy. :-/
Hahahahahahahahahaha
She didn’t want poly. She did it to keep the original partner.
Sounds like it will end up being you or her with N. Back to a couple. Do you do the honourable thing and be the person to exit?
It’s over. Nothing is going to change here. E is not adjusting to the poly relationship as well as hoped, and acting out accordingly. Unfortunately this hasn’t worked out. You have to do what’s right for your mental health.
As soon as your poly relationship has limitations placed on it from the outside, it’s time to bail. Full autonomy or nothing. I started exploring polyamory to escape toxic codependency, so the last thing I want to do is be the victim of someone else’s.