(Our ages are as of 2022): My ex-boyfriend (40M), “Scott”, and I (32F) worked together 8 years ago and had an affair. His girlfriend found and dumped him. I was still trying to figure out if I was going to tell my boyfriend when Scott’s gf messaged him with text receipts telling him I was cheating with my co-worker. It ruined my bf’s life at the time and any hope of us working on relationship. Scott and I started dating soon after I broke up with my bf. Then a few months later Scott’s ex-girlfriend lied and told him I messaged HER with screenshots of sexts to rub it in her face that Scott and I were dating and to get revenge for her exposing my cheating to my ex. Scott confronted me at work about it and I told him it was not true (which was the truth). He took my side and we dated for a year before we broke up. But we continued to hook up and hang out for the next 2 years.
I met a great guy about 5 years ago and we got married last fall. A few weeks before the wedding my husband received a DM from a burner account telling him I cheated on him with Scott for the first two years of our relationship and that I still keep in contact with him (my husband doesn’t know about any of this). The message revealed a lot of personal details that only Scott knew about. I told my husband none of it was true and we were able to have a great wedding weekend but it still pissed me off whenever I let myself think about it.
For the past month I have been getting weird texts from random numbers and DMs on Instagram asking oddly specific information (like if I was in CO for my Ashley’s wedding yet) or nasty things like why was I so ugly on my wedding day. My husband is getting DMs again asking how he can stay with a cheater.
Scott is denying he sent my husband any sort of message. So while at first I thought it was Scott who sent the original DM to my husband about me cheating on him, now I think it is his ex because it just sounds like a woman, if that makes sense, and I remember him saying how fucking crazy she was. So maybe the fact she was able to obtain secret information is proof of her insanity.
The final straw is today I got a DM with saying congrats and my house looks nice (we moved just last month), the message included my new address. This is getting absolutely nuts. What can I do?
TL;DR! my ex-boyfriend’s ex won’t stop bothering and stalking me and I don’t know what to do
6 comments
If she is stalking you, get a restraining order. Save copies/screen shots of everything you and your husband have received and figure out how you can find proof of who is sending. If it is via FB, Insta, etc, you can report it there as well.
What a twisted story.
To wrap it up, the ex-girlfriend of Scott, who you had an affair with *eight years ago* is still so attached to making you pay that she’s tracked you down and is still contacting you?
Wow. Sorry you stepped in a massive pile of … whatever you want to call it.
Unfortunately, you probably don’t have much you can do. Law enforcement can’t do anything about someone saying “oh hey, house looks good.” (Though keep the evidence trail in case you need to do more). Someone who is unhinged enough to:
1. Preemptively tank your relationship when she found out you were fucking her boyfriend
2. Attempt to sabotage your relationship with her now ex-boyfriend.
3. Attempt to sabotage a new relationship years later.
… that’s not someone who will probably be cool about hearing “oh yeah, I probably shouldn’t have done all that.”
But the part I’m struggling with is … how does someone you last had contact with eight years ago (and then only through your mutual penis, Scott), who assumably didn’t keep up in contact with Scott or you for the last few years, somehow know your now-husband’s phone number, as well as other personal info, as well as info that, by your own telling, only Scott would know?
This all leads to one question:
Is there any funny business between you and Scott that overlaps with your time with your husband that you aren’t mentioning?
I agree with others. If she’s stalking you, take legal action. But just going to add: these are the sorts of things that can happen when you choose to cheat. This is a direct consequence of your actions.
Lock down your social media, or delete the accounts entirely.
You are unlikely to get a restraining order over someone contacting with public information. However filing a police report helps cover your ass if shit goes sideways. Because this person’s grudge has lasted almost a decade it ain’t gonna go away and it sure as hell can get bad!
I’m middle aged dude that had a long term stalker problem. Not fun. Prep and legal threats ended it because she was creepy and angry but not crazy enough to risk actual police action.
This sounds like Fatal Attraction-ish. Yikes!