So before I get into anything, I just want to say I’m not trying to shame him or anything like that. We both have sexual trauma and anxiety which plays a factor into this. I’m not trying to blame or shame, I just want to try and figure out what the issue is, and get some advice on how him and I can fix it.
Recently I’ve noticed our sexual relationship has been a bit one sided. In my opinion really go out of my way in the bedroom for him. I have adapted to his kinks, spent hundreds of dollars on lingerie that he helped pick out, give him access to me almost anytime he wants, and always put my best effort forward to please him. Over the time we’ve been together, he hasn’t really done anything special for me like that. Despite me dropping hints, and even being fairly blunt about it. I’d even be happy with a few candles, just SOMETHING.
To make matters worse he doesn’t even finish most of the time. After he tries to make me finish and gives me a small cuddle session he rolls on his back, and just starts using his hand. I don’t know if he realizes it but it makes me feel extremely bad about myself. It’s a major blow to my self esteem and makes me feel like I’m not good enough. He is on medication so it’s not completely his fault but It causes me to dread having sex with him.
To make matters worse it seems like he only wants to do anything with me when he’s fucked up. When he’s sober, sex feels very forced. I honestly hate it, I’d rather just go into the bathroom to use my vibrator. Is there anything I could do or am I just wasting my time? Any advice would be appreciated. ^^
4 comments
He could try different meds. Or try viagra
Can he switch medications? If it is something he can fix, I would tell him how it makes you feel. However, I would keep in mind that only being able to climax through masturbation can be very upsetting to people and make them feel inadequate. It can make some people avoid sex all together. If he is trying to make sure you orgasm, there is *some* effort so I would be sure to give him credit for that.
>don’t know if he realizes it but it makes me feel extremely bad about myself. It’s a major blow to my self esteem and makes me feel like I’m not good enough. He is on medication so it’s not completely his fault but It causes me to dread having sex with him. To m
You need to have an honest talk with him to try and resolve the sticking points or determine the root cause. Us armchair therapists can’t fix this but you should be able to determine what’s wrong. If its stress, physical or a mental issue on his part. If you want this to last fix the problem now, don’t let it get worse.
Tell him sex needs to be enjoyable for you too.