I moved to a new city about 3 months ago. I went on two dates with (31M), and we had a connection right away. We shared our traumas and ended up doing the deed on the first date(which I never do on the first date). We stayed up until 5am that night. It was intense. I honestly feel like he is the coolest person I’ve ever met. I felt completely smitten.
He was super sweet and interested in me. We texted every day. We couldn’t get together until 2 weeks after the initial date. By the second date he invited me out with his friends. There’s a big drinking culture here and I tried to keep up with them. Plus I have to admit I in hindsight I did not space out my Xanax enough, and I think this is where I screwed up big time. I had one drink before meeting up to kill my nerves too and we all got pretty drunk.
I seemed to connect with his friends but pretty soon the night got blurry and I only remember pieces of it. I walked home with my date and I remember saying something about his height, and that I’m super into him(or something along those lines) and he was very sweet about it. I didn’t mean to insult him or anything. He is still taller than me. I may have said something else but I’m uncertain.
When I woke up I was in his bedroom with my clothes still on. I’ve really never felt so crappy. His demeanor had changed. He basically booted me out of his house, but said he would text later. He stopped texting for days. I finally apologized to him and tried to explain myself.
He explained that I said some weird shit to his friends. I also think I insulted him, but he wouldn’t tell me exactly what I said. He told me he doesn’t want to see me again. He is pissed at me. We’re not compatible, he says. I apologized and now we’re nothing. Is there any way I can fix this? I feel so awful. We had such a good connection and I feel so bad to have screwed this up.
Tl;Dr: intense connection on the first date turns into a weird blackout by the second. I’ve ruined our connection
5 comments
I’m sorry that happened to you. Depending on how recently this happened maybe give it some time and then try to text an apology again. There are absolutely no guarantees that this will fix anything though, unfortunately. And if he continues to insist that you are not compatible, etc. you’re gonna have to accept this. This may just basically be a hard lesson learned to try and keep in check drinking like that especially on such a medication. We all screw up sometimes so please try not to kick yourself too much even though I am sure this is rough. Sending you hugs.
I mean you can apologize, which sounds like you did, but this early in the relationship saying weird shit to his friends and insulting him wouldn’t be surprising if he chose to not date you. Ultimately it’s up to him.
You shouldn’t mix Xanax and alcohol, it has numerous side effects and is damn dangerous
https://www.healthline.com/health/xanax-and-alcohol
Yeah, I think you needed to apologize right away for that one to have any shot. But if you do run into him just try to be normal, and if it’s meant to be it will come back around. What was it that stood out about him? Can you find that in another person? And what did you not enjoy that might have come out in your haze?
You may never totally know what happened, which is the scariest thing about the whole situation. Sorry that you had this experience. Feel free to reach out if you need to talk!
Sounds like you should deal with your drinking problem before pursuing anyone again.