We have been together two years, with one of those years being LD with her finishing up undergrad. Our problems began around February of this year. I was finishing up my last year of law school, volunteering to fulfill a graduation requirement, working part time at a law firm and trying to find a long-term post grad job. As soon as I graduated, I began bar study.
Obviously because of how busy I was, I was not the best boyfriend to her. She felt like she really did not have a boyfriend because I only really had time to see her once a week, and sometimes when we did see each other I was not present. Our sex life also took a big hit. Additionally, she felt angry with me because she had not met my parents yet and did not feel like I was serious about her. Overall, she felt our relationship was stagnating and that our communication was poor overall.
I recently found out that my folks booked me a trip to see family back home for three weeks. Which obviously I can see how fucked up it would be from her perspective. She told me a couple of days ago that she wants to take a break. We have been fighting pretty much constantly since then. The break is going to commence after we take a trip that we had planned this weekend.
The break is set to last for three months. The break is nonexclusive. She wants the break so she can take some time for herself and go to a therapist for her anxiety. And to also stop being so angry with me. She gets that the last couple of months were out of my control, and I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that this break is legitimately about fixing our relationship. She says she loves me but that she just cannot imagine being with me right now. And I know how shitty it would be to be on the other end of dating someone that busy and stressed.
Am I an idiot for thinking this is actually salvageable? Or that this break is legitimate and not a drawn out break up?
tldr; Girlfriend feels like relationship was going nowhere. Partially bc I was a shitty and busy boyfriend and partially bc I never indicated that I saw a future with her. She now wants to take a break and I do not know how to react.
4 comments
If if this break were truly about fixing your relationship, it obviously wouldn’t be “non-exclusive”.
Seems like she wants to put the “break” in break up, to be honest. You both seem to be in different places in your current lives, and it doesn’t seem like she’s too understanding about how life can be stressful sometimes due to circumstances. People get very busy and pursue careers, and that’s normal. It seems like she’s unsatisfied, so she wants to see if the grass is greener on this so-called break. From what I’ve read, it definitely seems like you should have dedicated more time to her, if she is truly important to you. Busy or not, if someone is important to you, one can find a way to make time.
I think that if the break ends up happening, you should just treat it completely as a break up. If it does happen, know that both sides will share some blame for it not working out. Relationships take work and good communication of what you both want/feel. It doesn’t mean anyone did anything particularly wrong in this situation, but sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to.
>The break is nonexclusive.
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>and I want to give her the benefit of the doubt that this break is legitimately about fixing our relationship.
You need to brace yourself for the reality that she’s gonna go out and have sex with someone who is not you. You seem to be hyping up everything except for the part where non-exclusivity is on the table. You can’t go these three weeks thinking all she’s going to be doing wall-to-wall therapy and putting together plans for fixing things with you.
She’s either gonna go out to a bar or on tinder or whatever and find some rando or she has some dude waiting in the wings.
If you can get over that… sure, maybe after three weeks of *whatever* she’ll come back and you guys can fix things.
But if you’re treating this like she’s still your girlfriend for these three weeks and all that entails, you’re going to have a bad time.
She wants to break up. If half of your relationship has been LD and the rest is full of problems, what is there to salvage?