I (21F) am feeling a lack of emotional maturity and intellectual stimulation from my boyfriend (19M) in our relationship…can this be solved or is it more a compatibility issue?

My (21F) boyfriend (19M) and I have been dating for just over 4 months now and I’ve had doubts for a little while (God forbid, even going into the relationship I did). We met over a dating app so it wasn’t the most organic way of meeting but regardless we had some decent conversations and eventually he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Going into this, I think I was a little too head over heels for him to realize the ‘flags’ but nonetheless I think so far it’s been a good way to also discover my own deal breakers, preferences, and how I communicate with him.

I’d say my main concerns are:

1) Emotional maturity in deeper conversations – I find that when I bring up a topic I am intrigued about, he doesn’t seem to contribute or ask as many questions to keep it going. So in general it seems to me he doesn’t want to explore a topic. (Where as many of my friends, will ask questions like “why do you feel this way?” or “have you ever considered thinking of your situation through this lens?” I also find he never really initiates deeper conversations as often as I do (not that we have to talk about the meaning of life every day but it would be nice to ponder different topics once in a while).

2) Intellectually challenged/stimulated – I guess this goes hand in hand with the one above…Not to say that I am smarter than him, but I find that I seem to always be the one bringing up new topics and I don’t find that I have learned too many new perspectives or been challenged to see something in a new light in many of our conversations. I guess in other words I don’t feel as if I am learning or growing around him. I know that he is not responsible for my own personal growth but I would like someone who does inspire me to be better in my own ways.

3) Response to Ranting or venting – There’s some things I’d rather not bring up in front of him because sometimes when I do talk about my own things I find he’s not very receptive to it or doesn’t entertain the conversation for long. I’m not sure if he can’t relate, doesn’t know how to respond, or just doesn’t care.

Are these qualities that can change over time? Or are they more stable and part of someone’s nature? I’m not sure if it’s mainly because I am 2 years older (I know for a fact when I was 19 I definitely had a different mindset and did not experience the same events I have since then). But is it possible that he’s just a simple-minded person that never really ponders topics aside from his day to day affairs? Or would this mean a lack of compatibility in terms of the depth of our thinking?

So I guess I’m just wondering what I should do from here. The first and third can be addressed in a sense but I’m not so sure I can bring up the second one to him. I have brought up that I would like him to engage in conversations more and how I enjoy it when my friends ask questions or bring new perspectives into conversations to keep it going rather than just letting it die after I bring up a topic. So far I wouldn’t say there’s been a noticeable difference but I understand it probably takes time too.

I’d just like some advice or insight from anyone who has possibly stumbled on the same problem. Thanks 🙂