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Ok so I’m writing this out of myself because i feel like i have to. If you have any advice how can a move on after this i’m more than happy to hear that.
So me (23M) and my gf (23F) were together for 5 years. I thought we were in love, even if sometimes it only looked like we were only best friends for each other. She had this opportunity to study abroad for 1 months.
Even on our last day, before she left the country we were making love, kissing each other goodbyes, hugging each other etc… So i felt that she is in love with me and I was so in love with her.
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After she came back she said that it took her 4 days to fall in love with someone else and the guy said it to her too that he is in deep love with her also. (They have 12000km between each other now)
So after 2 weeks i had to question what is going on and did she do something stupid with someone or why is she ignoring me. She responded that after 5 years she couldn’t do anything that horrible to me.
She said that after this conversation they kissed and had sex multiple times, but she only did it because she have never been in that kind of deep love ever in her life.
I think she is searching for that kind of love, that you feel in the first few months, full of butterflies, but i couldn’t give her that after so many years.
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TL;DR
I think that i won’t feel this kind of love ever to anybody else. I feel like i’m in a bad dream, the idea of her cheating me never even come up in my mind. After that i won’t be able to trust anyone.
What can i do to help myself in this situation?
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Thanks for reading my story <3
24 comments
She wasn’t in love. It takes more than 4 days for love. She way away, “free” and went along with the opportunity and perhaps infatuation. But it wasn’t love
She is gonna come crawling back in a few months, saying what a mistake she made, and how he fooled her. You should never answer her calls or text. You need to be sad, and move on.
you have been clueless for a very long time about your relationship. this relationship was over before she went abroad. she just happened to be stuck with you because she doesnt know how to end this dead relationship. you cant give her this love because your love is not what she wants. and if you cant trust anyone after this then the only person losing is you. she cheated so you need to move on to someone that can love you the way you want to be loved
When people are on vacation, they see things thru rose coloured glasses. She may think she is deeply in love but it is just vacation talk. Once the thrill is gone, she will be regretful.
Loving relationship and cheating is oxymoronic. Loving friendship is more like it. I’m sorry you lost 5 years but please don’t lose anymore and cut bait.
Shows that her understanding of love and relationships is immature and it might just be best for you that you aren’t together anymore. Once she starts dating this new “deep love” individual, and suppose she meets someone else who makes her feel an even “deeper” love ? Is she going to keep leaving partners till she finds the “deepest” lover ?
Commitment requires a control on your emotions and not to keep jumping ship till you find the “deepest” love. The butterflies go away in a few months or maybe years, thats when the true test of relationships start.
If she did want to break up , she could have given you the respect you deserve , and done it maturely , not by making a bs excuse of a story.
I think you were not with the right , mature partner you thought she was. Take some time out for yourself, feel the emotions you are feeling, accept the reality of the situation and move on.
Let yourself feel the pain. Cry, grieve what’s lost. The end of a relationship can feel like the death of a loved one. It doesn’t mean you won’t ever be happy again though.
Whilst I’d recommend you don’t trust her again, because let’s face it she doesn’t deserve it, there are other people out there who will deserve your trust in the future.
It is a really horrible feeling though, I’m sorry you’ve had to experience it.
>What can i do to help myself in this situation?
Block her on everything aside from your phone.
Pretend she’s dead.
Mourn the woman you knew.
Read “no more mr nice guy”
Join a gym and work your way up to 200 pounds(90 kg?) And/or a 10 minute mile.
Seek therapy. Even if you can’t find it, it helps to know where to start looking.
Repress all memories of her. Good and bad.
Don’t take her back when she tries to beg for forgiveness csuse I know she will. She is young and probably watch too many romance movies to think a foreign man she met for a few weeks is going to be the love of her life.
You both are very young. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you change so much in your 20s. You can’t expect someone in their teens to remain the same, it’s absolutely impossible.
What you’re experiencing now is something that is totally normal. Heartbreak is painful and part of growing up. I won’t sugarcoat it- you’ll experience heartache multiple times over your life. It always sucks and doesn’t really get any better. You just learn better ways of coping. What you need to do now is learn from this relationship and go into your next relationship with more clarity. It may take awhile to figure it out.
She’s not the one chief. A person who cares for you wpuldn’t put you through the hurt you are feeling now and in the future but she did because she doesn’t care.
It doesn’t matter anything else except that she cheated on you, multiple times not just “one mistake”, she didn’t say a word to you about the transgression, no crying, no remose, no apologies…
Your 5 years relationship wasn’t good enough for her to masturbate 4 weeks, but for 2 weeks only, before having a fuckfest with someone else…
These being said, you should split up once and for all, don’t make sex with her before parting, you may expose your health to unnecessary hazards.
Never speak with her again too, will help you recover sooner
Good luck!
Man this is heartbreaking.
Tbh i don’t think this is the first time she cheated. Only this time she truly thinks she has a connection with him.
Cheating isn’t that easy. It’s only easy when u do it multiple times.
She wasn’t for you. People who cheat are not ready for relationships and it’s not your fault at all. Blaming yourself for someone else’s actions is not fair. Don’t let people like this bring you down, it’s not that you aren’t good enough it’s just that she is not good enough for you
Oh darling, this is so painful for you and it’s ok that it is, it’s going to be. You are reminding me of when I went through something similar. You are going to go through grief because 5 years is a long time to spend but it’s ok and just know you can move on from this without her and you will be ok even if your heart feels torn right now. You will move on happier one day and see things for how they are.
She was infatuated and it was something new for her. She’ll come to her senses but she’s also no longer your problem. You need to ghost her and move on with your life.
You need to get it together and have some respect for yourself. She cheated on you after a only a few weeks away. She doesn’t love you and she certainly doesn’t have an respect for the relationship that you two had.
I hate to be that guy but your gf fell for the oldest trick in the book. “I’ve never had deep feelings like this for anyone before” is a common line used by locals in destination spots to pick up tourists.
Abroad you are out of your comfort zone, everything is new and exciting. You are much more likely to put deeper meaning on things especially if someone else is suggesting it. Most people don’t realize that the experience is only that impactful for them because they are on vacation and a local “confirming” it can make that feeling feel more intense.
Most people eventually reach this realization. Even if she does though you should not take her back. She is obviously very suggestible and who knows when the next time she will decide to turn your life upside down will come.
If your girlfriend wants to act single, you should help her out.
OP, you’ve just learned that your girlfriend is incredibly emotionally immature, and even though it really hurts, better to learn this now than five more years down the road. I promise that you will feel this kind of love again someday, only better, because the person you’re with will really feel the same way about you. If you have access to mental health resources, go talk to a counselor/therapist about how badly this situation has shaken your trust and how you’re worried you won’t be able to trust again in an intimate relationship. They can help you work through your emotions, understand what happened, and be in a position to not bring the baggage from this relationship into your next one.
Your still young, you have time to find someone worth a fuck.
It be best to cut ties with her all together and get rid of everything that associates deep meaning connecting you’ll.
Fall apart for a week, then force yourself to get out there and live life. Don’t wait till you feel like it, the feelings will come after you start having good days again.
Hang in there. This to shall pass.
Maybe she wasn’t in love with you after all.
Either way, just break up and try to move on.
So… I was in a very similar place. Young, in love, together for 4+ years. Found out that about 3 years into it she cheated and had a secret relationship without me knowing.
I was devastated when I found out, and even more so when I found out that she was living with another guy less than a month or 2 after we broke up. It was painful, and I loved her with everything I had. After 6 months I realized how we truly shouldn’t have been together, I wasn’t as good of a partner as I had thought in my head and neither was she. Our relationship was forced near the end of it, and I think we stayed together so long because we were “Highschool Sweethearts” and that’s how it should be. I decided to focus on my self, my school, and my work. Fast forward 4 years later and I meet someone who revitalizes everything I thought I wouldn’t find again, 4 more years and she is now my fiance and we’re getting married in 2 months.
All of this is to just say, while right now it may seem like the end of the world, after some time I hope you realize that your best move now is to move on with your own happiness. What she did isn’t okay in a relationship, and I hope you realize that trying to continue a partnership with them will only be a waste of energy. You’re young, and have so much life ahead of you that is a complete mystery.
Please my god tell us you left her. How could you not tell us this?