i am a 20f virgin. i was never embarrassed about it until i got to college.
i had my first kiss in college and from that guy on, every guy i have hooked up has made me feel bad about not having sex, while making it a mission for me to have sex with them. i am just waiting until i like someone and trust them enough (probably dating), and the way guys react makes me feel like i am totally overthinking it? they either complain that they r getting blueballed or make weird comments (one told me he had never met a virgin before in his life?) i ended up liking this one guy a lot and then he pressured me into giving him head and it ended up that he was talking to his ex the whole time. it kinda messed with me.
my problem is, the newest, most recent guy was nice about it until recently. i told him after the first time he asked to have sex that i was a virgin and waiting until i could trust someone, but then a few weeks later he asked again, and i told him im waiting until i am dating someone (which is true). to that he responded, “why are you so against sex”. i dont think he meant it in a rude way, more curious, but it still made me feel shitty. i am not against sex, i want to have sex, i just don’t want to do it with someone i am not sure about. the worst part is, later that night he asked if i wanted to date? he had never brought it up before and i cant help thinking its because i said i will only have sex with someone i want to date. (i asked him that but what the hell else is he gonna say to that)
i have attachment issues and especially after the most recent guy used me for head when i didnt even want to give it to him. are these red flags, am i overthinking, tbh idek if i like him, but the whole sex thing is making me feel bad about myself.
13 comments
That sucks. Some dudes are just jerks and only wanna use ppl for sex. Anyone that pressures you into doing something you don’t wanna do is a jerk IMO.
I was in a fraternity so I know from experience the methods of these guys and it’s entirely motivated by their penis. It has nothing to do with a virgin being shameful and everything to do with their fantasy of taking a girl’s virginity. Good on you for standing by your values and not letting them pressure you, wait till you feel fully comfortable and safe to make such a personal decision. No shame in self-control and respect.
You shouldn’t get into a relationship with someone if you don’t know how you feel about them.
Make Your first time a good experience, don’t do it with some jerk
He’s just trying to use you for sex and you’re right, he only mentioned dating to try and get you to sleep with him eventually.
You do You. You have sex when you are ready.
I believe you are doing the right thing by saving yourself. A lot of guys don’t deserve you or see how special you are 🤍 I appreciate you because it shows you have a lot respect for yourself
You are okay waiting until you find someone you feel comfortable with, it does seem like these guys were just trying to get in your pants. It’s completely reasonable for you to wait, it’s your body not theirs
There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin.
If anything that puts you above most women in the eyes of high-quality men, The less men you’ve been with the more likely you’ll be loyal past 5 years. (At least that’s how all men see it)
I do admit in this day and age I find it hard to believe anyone male or female has the self-control to be a virgin past 16 if the opportunity arises with a cool person.
Seeing as women have endless opinions, I kind of buy into the idea that most women aren’t virgins, they just lie to be accepted.
(not saying this is you at all I’m just expressing my thoughts on the matter)
To sum up my thoughts, do whatever the fuck you want, you’re gonna be okay
Classic manipulation techniques. They want you to feel weird about being a virgin, hoping if they can make you feel weird enough about it you’ll give it up to them. Wait for the guy that isn’t pushing for sex or trying to make you feel like it’s such a shameful thing that you just need to grow up and start doing it already.
Yes guys think you will be having attachment issues because most guys in college are there just for the random hookups. For your first time, try to find someone that makes you feel like you’re the only one in the room. That puts you first. That’s what I would tell my daughters. But if you want to just get with a guy, dont tell them you’re a virgin
Almost the exact same experience I had down to the giving head to someone who absolutely did not deserve it. I didn’t lose my virginity til I was 27 and I do not regret waiting one bit. It can feel very alienating while dating at times but nothing to feel bad about at all.
Blue balls hurt. Ow! But I understand what you’re saying. Keep in mind though, you only live one, and you’re only young once, you may be over thinking it a tad, live while you’re young, when you get the chance to.