How do I put out relationship vibes rather than just hookup vibes?

35 comments

1. Maybe you have a reputation as a casual sex person? Or don’t hook up with people so quickly?

2. The friends of yours that he’s friends with, have you been intimate with them?

3. If you want a relationship, do NOT go into a FWB situation.

4. Just say you’d like a relationship

5. Stop having sex on the first date if you don’t want to be considered a fuck buddy.

6. Well, hooking up with people fast certainly doesnt scream “long term potential”

7. When somebody meets you, they don’t know anything about you. Unless you are willing to initiate casual hookups, nobody knows otherwise. So just say that you are looking for a relationship, and don’t agree to casual hookups.

8. >I am ready now

   Does that mean, you have never tried to get into a serious relationship before?

9. Putting out relationship vibes would mean TEXTING THE FUCKING GUY YOU ARE INTERESTED IN after having had sex with him.

10. State what you’re looking for upfront. People say that scares men off, but in my experience, it hasn’t—not even once. Even if it did, that would be a way to weed out the ones you don’t want.

    Find other ways to get physical gratification for a little while. This will help you think more clearly as you get to know/date new guys.

    Don’t go out drinking for dates. Go on dates where the two of you do something active together. Play a game of tennis, go swimming at a local pool, go to a baseball game, ride bikes and grab lunch. I feel like these types of dates makes a guy enjoy your date and not just something he has to get through to get you in bed.

11. Tell guys you’re not interested in hookups, and that you won’t have sex on the first date. That you are looking for a relationship. And that you’re looking for someone who is also looking for relationship

12. one thing that can help is telling prospective partners you’re looking for a serious relationship and not hooking up with them unless you know they’re on the same page. that is neither necessary nor sufficient for getting into a relationship though.

13. Hard to tell, in theory shouldn’t be hard to give relationship vibe, but since you never had may be a newbie with a lot to learn.

    Maybe don’t have sex at the first date and wait few dates?

    maybe you are attractive but men don’t like your personality?

    maybe communicate that you are looking for something serious

14. Edit: checked your profile, you seem to be really into sex, is this part of your personality?
    may give off weird vibes for a LTR.

15. Wait until real commitment before you sleep with someone. That will help with 90% of this.

16. Idk how to say this without sounding rude, don’t sleep with them, avoid the fwb shit altogether and lay your wants out at the start

17. I have had the same problem my whole life 29f. Even when a guy dates me for a while and acts like he wants a relationship, it turns out to be lies just to have sex. I really feel I am a caring kind person and have a lot of value to add in a relationship the way i do in my friendships and it sucks how guys, whether i meet them thru friends or on hinge, never seem to see me as a serious girlfriend. The last guy I went on a few dates with texted me so consistently and acted like I was his life and told me he finally found the right person, then he gave me the slow fade after the hookup. I’ve had other guys just wanna continue fwb with me because they liked the sex. Ive cut all that off and just at a loss rn. Even guys who aren’t my physical type, I give a chance to, and still get played.

    I just want to say that you may be great but have trouble opening up emotionally or people have trouble connecting with you. I think that might be it for me, or maybe I am just attracting the wrong ppl. Regardless I understand & am here to talk if needed. It’s hard to find people our age who are having this issue honestly.

18. Use your words. With him. Have the emotional maturity to communicate what you want, to stick to your boundaries and to not settle for fwb or casual sex.

19. Cutesy dates

20. If you want to have a relationship just make sure to tell whoever you date or meet that’s on your agenda and not sex initially. Maybe you’re just used to operating as a fun girl and now need to be intentional about forming a commited relationship. That is going to require boundaries and being careful on dates.

21. Someone with the username flirtybabex is having this problem? Shocked, I tell you. Shocked.

22. I (27M) dove into a relationship that failed and had to really dig myself out and it changed my perspective on dating. I used to date to marry, but now I date to have fun. I want to take my time before deciding to enter into a committed relationship with someone. I want sex but not JUST sex. I want a girl that doesn’t try to lock me down with rings and religion, she locks me down by just being HERSELF – hot, funny, and fun. A best friend that’s chill and fun to be around, gets along with my friends, can hang in any setting, and keeps me sexually satisfied. So basically, I want to start out as FWBs.

23. Honestly you’re probably typecasted as fwb for good by a good percentage of dudes.

    A lot of people don’t want to a super promiscous woman as a long term partner.

    So maybe get a Time Machine?

    Or look for a former f boy that is also ready to settle down.

24. Guys will put you in the hookup or relationship category pretty early.

    Honestly most times it has to do with how attractive she is (both physically and personality). The guys where I’m from have higher standards for relationships vs a girl they’ll see casually

25. “don’t have an issue starting FWB type relationships” that’s obvious as a woman. You are basically playing the game on toddler mode. Don’t have sex too early into the dating phase.

26. Almost all of these comments are about having FWBs, but you mentioned a red flag 🚩 which is that he just got out of a relationship. Be careful– he might not be emotionally available and you’ll end up getting hurt if you get attached.

27. I have the complete opposite effect. I give off relationship vibes and I just want casual hookups/Fwb situations. I’ve hooked up with guys on the first date and then it turns into “I want more” situation. I’m usually pretty straight to the point and completely open about what I want, but it never happens. I haven’t figured out what I’m doing wrong yet, so I’ve just given up on dating all together.

28. I just went on a first date with this great guy last Sunday. We had sex that night. I slept over. He didn’t text me at all on Monday and I thought I had scared him off and/or it was just a ONS for him. Then on Tuesday he texted me asking me to call him. I called him and he was inviting me to a party on the weekend. And I said I’d go. Then he asked what I was doing the rest of the day and I invited him out to the beach with me. When he got there he was all “I had so much fun with you on Sunday thanks for inviting me out today” and I told him I thought I had scared him away because he didn’t text me on Monday and he told me “no not at all I just don’t know what the rules are anymore. I wanted to text you but I didn’t know if it was too soon” —— don’t think the worst… he could literally just be trying to “play by the rules” like my guy.

29. Stop having sex on the first encounter.

30. Generally best to learn these skills before 30.

31. Don’t sleep with guys too early. The ones that just want casual sex won’t stick around

32. Stop sleeping with them from the start. Keep in mind you will not get as much attention if you are looking for a relationship so if you constantly seek attention from guys then it’s hard to see you as relationship material. Don’t sleep with someone until date 3 or longer, if they are really interested in you they will wait (don’t tell them that’s how long you want to wait either tho because that will be their only goal). You need to read their intentions and think, are these guys really trying to get to know you or do they just care about your physical appearance? Are they inviting you back to their place right away? because that indicates sex so suggest something else that’s not a NO but will still keep their interest.

33. Text him now. Why play games

34. I think you may have hooked up too fast.
    If you want a serious relationship, it’s wise to make that known up front. Write it clearly in your dating profiles online, verbally tell guys on first meeting.
    Problem is, many men will lie and say anything to get laid. There’s no guarantee with anything anymore.
    I’ve found it hard because even if you’re a women who makes a man wait for it, he could just move on to another woman easily. But even if you give him sex fast, he could still move on to someone else because maybe that was all he was after. Dating is nuts. Pay attention to a man’s ACTIONS to make sure they align with his words.

35. The same habits create the same results.

    You’re 30 now. You have to admit you have cemented some bad dating habits that give off hookup vibies such as hooking up immediately (unless the date was actually really good). Also unforunately this dude just got out of a relationship. Most dudes like that need some time to heal and you were probably a rebound, but also possible that you’re not. I don’t know what other dating habits you have, some may be good and some may be bad, but you need to talk some time to really be introspective and figure out what you want to change (in yourself, in what you’re looking for in others, what kind of dates you want to go on, etc.)

    The only way for you to know what he’s thinking about you is for you to talk to him. “How long should I wait before I text him?” Who cares. Every person has different texting habits. The important thing is Are you getting your point across? Are you communicating. It doesn’t matter if you triple text or wait a day to respond to every text or have hella emojis in ever message as long as the other person is cool with these texting habits that you will discover in your time together.