I’m (28M) a young corporate lawyer starting a family. My wife (30f) is having twins and we just bought a house so now especially work is important. But I feel like I work nonstop and there is no end in sight. Part of me wonders what other jobs I’d like to do but at the end of the day my job pays well and I need this income to support my wife and kids. I also wonder about lateraling to a bigger firm for even more money but know that will just completely tighten the golden handcuffs.
Men who can relate, what would you do if money didn’t matter and you had more wiggle room to choose a career?
25 comments
Stop with the corporate rat race thinking. There will always be a better and more paying job, more opportunities. But you will never get back that time you spent working overtime, at the office, etc.
Be thankful for the job and salary you have, work less, save what money you can. In the end a happier life isn’t filled with money but the memories you made.
However I am single and don’t want to have kids. I had plenty of options to switch architecture firms, for a higher payment. However, I’ve chosen to stay at this frm because I like my colleauges, and the assignments. That paid out with a raise multiple times. I started when I was a graduate at 23, I am now 30, and that loyalty paid out in not only more salary (up to 80% increase) but more interesting projects and more responsibility too. Money seems very tempting, but I believe if there is room for improvement and growth, loyalty wins the big game, especially if you love your current job and firm.
I’m a software dev for a local govt. agency, this place has me by the balls. I’m one of the highest paid non-management employees, I have a great union backing me up, a decent retirement (2% at 55), and a really good boss and working environment.
But if I could get paid the same, and keep all the other benefits, I would be their groundskeeper. In fact, I’ve thought about coming back as a “consultant” just to pull weeds, take better care of their lawns and landscaping. NGL, it’s the most relaxing thing for me to do at home on weekends and in the evenings.
I would’ve been designing boardgames if money wasn’t an obstacle. But it is, big time, so I need to spend half my waking hours bored staring at meetings instead.
You need a goal, a light at the end of the tunnel that you and your wife are running towards. Work shouldn’t be an end to your life, rather a means of getting to the end. But you need to define that end otherwise you’ll just be running in the dark.
That’s not what golden handcuffs are, that’s just needing an income and a job just like everyone else. Golden handcuffs are something that keep you tied to your current employer, commonly equity or bonus contract. If you are freely able to jump from one firm to another, you’re not being handcuffed, at least not in the “golden” sense.
remember ur kids only have one childhood and there is nothing more valuable. Learn to balance.
I would do something more active and that had more of a sense of purpose and accomplishment (I am a professional accountant, with an excellent pension that keeps me stuck where I am).
I think it would be really enjoyable to be a carpenter and see the product of my effort take shape in a tangible way. I also think it would be fun to renovate homes with a couple buddies.
Similar position, consulting, family, house, etc. The mindshift I would suggest considering is how to turn that path into equity / passive income and ultimately *time*. It’s not easy, I’ll let you know if I figure it out. The “problem” is that your carrot is a big one, and the perceived risk of giving that up is high. If you must move I’d suggest a smaller firm if anything. The bigger the firm the more it is going to resemble a machine. Find a smaller firm, people with families, humans. Read the first half of 4 hour work week. It got me out of thinking linearly (climb up the ladder) and starting to think more strategically. Good luck!
Hmm, if I had unlimited money?
I’d buy a few brothels in Germany and inThe Netherlands and expand the business. Then I’d buy strip-clubs in the USA and I would work hard to make my business reach as many men as possible. Then after that dream had been accomplished,
I would then retire to Sao Paolo, buy several apartments in the most expensive places to live in Sao Paolo, and then I’d spend the rest of my days banging several escorts a day.
Preferably 6 to 10 women at the same time. But I’m an old man myself being in my thirties, so I don’t know if I’d be able to keep that pace for long.
You should start plotting an exit strategy. Being a corporate lawyer sucks, everyone I know who has done it has ended up miserable.
Learn to live on a smallish portion of your income. Save and invest aggressively. That way few years of grinding can set you up for the future without tying you to a horrible job forever.
I know this sounds silly, but one way to better understand what you want to do is to describe your situation with different pronouns.
Sit in front of a mirror and talk to yourself using “you” instead of I. Imagine you’re talking to a friend and say “You’re working non stop, with no end in sight. Why? Is it for the money?”
Another way is to describe the situation as if it’s happening to someone else. “My friend Frank is making good money as a lawyer but works 80 hour weeks. He never has time to spend with his family…” and see where that conversation goes.
So I’ve been poor my entire life. I would mostly play video games, go fishing and hiking snd herping and camping, and read books and play musical instruments. I ended up married into a family that is composed almost entirely of lawyers, doctors, and real estate professionals. So now that I don’t have money as an issue, I mostly play video games, go fishing and hiking snd herping and camping, and read books and play musical instruments. Oh, and I finally bought an all black cat that I absolutely love and took a fishing charter for a day in the Florida Keys. Also when I lost my job due to being laid off because Boeing crashed our industry, I’ve been a house husband who makes dinner and does chores and bakes cookies for my wife’s work.
So I guess I’d buy a cat and go on a fishing charter and do chores.
People work hard to support their lifestyles anyway. Enjoy and appreciate that you can start a family. I’m not saying that your stress doesn’t matter. I’m saying it’s not exclusive to your job – if you left for another job, it doesn’t make you happier.
My aunt thought that all she wanted to do was work at a plant shop when she retired. She loved plants and planting recreationally and thought it would be the best thing in the world to just chat to people about plants all day and make recommendations based on decades of honing her hobby, which is what she experienced being a customer. She retired from a very successful career in banking and then got a part time job at a garden centre. She quit in 3 weeks because she was expected to work the cash register, drag an endless amount of soil to and from, and they had bad scheduling for her.
The grass is greener on the other side sometimes. Don’t get caught in a trap of thinking a simple job is what’s better for you. Congrats on becoming a lawyer.
But if I could choose any job? I’d like to dabble in computer programming. I feel like it’s the modern version of learning how to read and I feel like I was the last generation that didn’t get to learn about it in secondary school. I may get around to it once my life is more stable on the job front, even if I never make a career out of it.
Very similar position. Wife and I are about to have our first child, both of us work in fairly corporate environments.
If it weren’t for the stability we want to provide for our children, I would likely take a stab at opening a restaurant. I day dream about it a lot because I love both cooking and having people for my food. I feel like a restaurant is just a much busier version of that with a lot more headaches too I’m sure.
I would discreetly make sure my loved ones would be financially taken care and board a flight to somewhere picturesque and remove myself from existence.
I’ll be honest, the next 20+ years consist of you bring home a pay check and making sure everyone has a roof over their head and food in their stomach. How nice a home and how good of food all depends on you. The shittyest thing is that everyone is dependent on you and your job so that means you do what’s necessary not to lose that job. Sure it would be great coaching a swim team making $20K a year and basically get paid to screw around but the kids don’t want to live on rice and water and the wife doesn’t want to drive a car with 200,000 miles that breaks down every few week so that’s not really an option. The easiest thing to do is make as much money as you can, make sure your wife has everything she needs to be a great mom and hopefully retire early.
I’d start a day/overnight camp. I grew going to church cam and it was so fun. I’m not religious now, so there wouldn’t be a religious aspect to it, but it would be for all ages. Come to camp and learn how to cook, work with tools, work on a car. Learn to code. How to whatever, people can suggest courses. I’d prefer a big lake to swim in. Bunk houses where we go on t’ping raids. Have food fights. All of it. That’s what I’d do. I like seeing kids happy.
I have worked for some pretty big law firms and see very few actual choices. Lateral hires. A growing trend but not very common still. You would need a very remarkable resume. Take some time off? You might end up a staff attorney with no possible advancement path despite a Harvard degree. For one, I know two and second, on several occasions I have seen a document that lists potential partner selections. The very first concern after billable hours is leave taken (other than maternity). You are not even expected to take a few days off.
Quit your firm, no other big firm will hire you. Typically, the partners at the firms I have worked for had been there since law school. Not just post graduation either. They were summer associates, or clerked for higher federal judges.
Once your in, it does seem like a sweet gig though.
Why don’t you move firm? I moved from a city firm to top 100 firm and still get very good pay and benefits, but also get a life. Yes you may take abit of a hit , but you will still earn well.
You will not look back at the end of your life and wish you had worked more.
Save some of that cheddar. I (55m) have been working full time since I was 17. Lived large for a bit, and didn’t save a dam thing. Retirement is not on my horizon any time soon. And, dude, I’m tired. I’m a coder so I work from home, steady good money. But fuck, 39 years. I just want to play my guitar and smoke a bowl.
It is tough because you are already married, but I would present a plan to your wife of living like you make significantly less than you do. Save the difference, in two years you can stop the rat race, do what you love and be a great, present dad.
Two things.
Nobody ever laid on their death bed thinking , “I should have worked more”.
Second, congrats on the family. Those same people on their deathbed know that providing for and raising their children with their spouse was the best thing that ever did. They will have somebody to remember them. Your law firm won’t notice your absence.
I’m actively working toward financial independence and early retirement, so I probably wouldn’t have a job at all, at least for a while. I’d take a few years off to:
* Travel with my wife, particularly to Europe
* Spend time with my parents, if they’re still alive
* Do a road trip throughout the US and Canada
* Learn how to cook better
* Train in Brazilian jiu-jitsu
* Go visit friends in different areas
* Start a garden, or at least an herb garden. If I try this and really like it, I might get more ambitious and try a hydroponic or aquaponic setup.
* Go to the library, drink coffee, and read books, particularly the classics.
* Volunteer as a tutor
* Play some new, more modern video games (I’m a retro gamer, but want to expand out)
* Go out to eat/do things with my wife during the week, when everyone else is at work
If I get bored after a few years of doing this, which is very possible, then I might go back to work. I don’t hate my job now (usually), but it would still be nice not to have to do it.
Moving firms can help, to some extent, and moving from smaller firms to biglaw doesn’t automatically mean your hours get worse. I moved from a regional firm into big law (litigation practice), and my hours requirement got more tolerable.
Some firms just have a better culture than others for ensuring their employees can be with family, and different firms allow varying degrees of WFH/flexible office hours. Lateraling might be worth exploring.
In the end though, the practice is what it is and missing at least some stuff is inevitable when a fire comes up.
To answer your question though, I’d probably go work at a golf course.