My husband and i have been married just over four months. At the beginning of the relationship he was very supportive of my minor mental health issues and would communicate throughout the day while we were both at work. We talked about everything and worked through everything. Then We had some big issues stemming from my triggers being pushed after i thought i was mostly over shit from previous relationships. He had alot of stuff from previous relationships including their pictures on his bedroom walls and work desk, nudes of theirs, and love letters. He also kept them all as friends on social media and claimed they were “very important” and he still cared about them. He still made posts about them on social media about (one in particular was a memory post of her in a sexy low cut dress and him saying “she looked amazing in that dress”). He never posted about me in this way or had my pictures up anywhere and it left me feeing like i was in competition and losing. Well, this huge breakdown was about two months ago and things came to light about stuff (he confessed the nudes of her on his work computer and that his only tattoo was a symbol of her and had her name secretly in it.) Most of this centered around one in particular but the other ones were still kept around with various problematic aspects. Ever since then ive continued communicating with him and trying to work through and owning that i have mental issues and trying to find how to get therapy but the last couple weeks communication has gotten less and less. I mentioned it night before last and he said he has been busy at work. I told him that before i started being more emotionally needy he didnt have any problem talking to me all day but now it is an issue. He was silent. Yesterday i tried to explain how i was feeling disconnected and distant from him due to him not seeming to want to talk to me. I require emotional connection to desire physical intimacy and so i told him that yesterday and he said “i dont feel disconnected”. He has never responded in this way before. Previously when i had a concern he would hear me out and we would talk about it. I guess im expecting too much but i dont know what to do.
1 comment
I read a lot of red flags here.
1. He keeps nudes from his exes?
2. He puts down pictures of his exes and not you?
3. He posts about them on social media after they broke up and not about you.
4. He is invalidating your feelings (you said you feel disconnected and he says he doesn’t… so he is saying that its your problem).
Probably didn’t name them all. If this is his behavior, you can go to therapy all you want but you are not getting your needs met. I suggest to both go to couple therapy.