So a little while ago, my husband and I each set a goal to find a therapist. There were no huge issues, we just felt it would be beneficial to help us each resolve some stuff from our pasts and for the first time ever we had decent insurance that covers outpatient mental health visits. He actually started out with BetterHelp. He found a great therapist and actually started making some headway. But since it’s not covered by insurance, we quickly learned it wasn’t going to be sustainable. So back to the drawing board for him. Soon after, I found a therapist and honestly it was a huge stroke of luck. I’d never been to therapy before and right out the gate I found someone who is not only a great fit for me but is also just down the street from us. Which in the area I’m in is pretty lucky because there aren’t a huge number of therapists around. Meanwhile, my husband has been through like three or four different therapists and none of them have been a good fit. He’s getting worn out trying but honestly his new job (he’s been at for just over a year) is fairly high-pressure and he’s been opening up to me lately about how he’s struggling a lot with stress and impostor syndrome. I really think he needs to be talking to someone. It’s just such a process between finding someone, making an appointment, actually going to the appointment, and doing that a few times over before realizing that it’s not going to work out. I try to help by researching counselors and making suggestions, but I don’t know what else to do.
6 comments
Has he said why they aren’t a good fit?
Maybe talk to your counselor and see if they can recommend someone for your spouse. You can give them more information on what your husband wants and needs and they most likely have a network to check with.
Therapists specialize in specific areas so make sure your looking for the right credentials for what he needs. Then he just need to be open to trying them out for at least 4-5 visits before looking again.
I’m on my 3rd therapist. The first 2 didn’t have the credentials I needed in a therapist and I didn’t know that until 4-5 months into therapy with the 2nd therapist. They said they could help with the issue but as I did more research on my own. I found out they were missing the specialized certification for what I needed. It has made a world of difference getting with my current therapist in just 3 visits. I have seen more progress in less than a month than 5 months with the other therapist.
Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right fit. I’ve been through 4 therapists before I found the right one. It’s almost like dating because you can read their profiles but you really won’t know till you have had a couple sessions with them if you are going to work out
Are you talking individual therapists or marriage counselors?
If it’s the former, that might be better handled in /r/askatherapist/
No advice, just empathy.
My wife has tried a lot of personal therapists, maybe a dozen or so over the past 4-5 years – from fully-covered found through out insurance portal to highly-recommended and $400/hr out of pocket – all to no meaningful outcome. She’ll go weekly for 2-6 months, realize she’s just spinning her tires and hearing herself talk, if not leaving worse off than before, and look for another. IDK what gives, but she’s only found **one** who offered anything actionable to her (and we eventually moved out of that city), and maybe that’s just how therapy works, but that’s not her expectation, which I know she clearly sets with each new one. We’ve both slowly concluded that a lot of therapists are a bit scammy and many seem to actually create and perpetuate dependence (and therefore billings), especially in VHCOL/well-off areas.
There’s finding the right fit and then there’s just getting one to return your call. They are all so busy right now. The recent massive increase in demand due to Covid, lockdowns, and related issues had created a serious shortage. It takes years to become a therapist so the shortage will take years to resolve. There may be less need as well as we put covid further behind us, but either way, the shortage isn’t going away any time soon.