Tl;dr: have I developed new personal needs now **after** my short-term relationship that I discovered **during** our time together that I didn’t need **before**? Do I pursue new love to fulfill these needs, or will they diminish with time?
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I (26M) was happy with life **before** I dated her. Many interests, close friends, family and a good career. Have always been independent and enjoyed alone time and myself.
I had two dating experiences when I was around 20, and they drained my energy completely. Not a good start in my love life. Since then I haven’t actively searched for love because I wanted to focus on studies and myself. Now that I, several years later, have dated an amazing girl who I developed really strong feelings for, I find it hard to return to my previous contented self after she ended it. She broke up with me in a vulnerable state two days after her grandma passed away, just when I had started my summer vacation from work.
These are stuff on a general level (of course I can mention a lot more things) I miss from the person I was **during** our time together:
\- Feeling genuinely appreciated by and important to someone I also view in this way
\- Feeling optimistic about a long-term future with someone, to maybe finally experience true love
\- Feeling excited towards small things in my everyday life
\- Taking care of someone I like a lot
\- Sharing stuff happening in our everyday life
\- The summer excitement I felt pre summer when our relationship peaked, all the things we were gonna do…
Before this short relationship I didn’t have these needs what I know. Them being fulfilled really brought out the best version of myself, my friends saw it too, and I miss being and feeling like that person. I know I will feel better with time, but I wonder if I ever will feel as high on life as I was with her if I don’t start dating again.
Now, **after**, I see a dull return to work with less sunlight each day that passes. Summer is gone. Barely enjoyed my vacation due to heartbreak and now it’s a whole year until the next one. No love that brightens my everyday life. Just missing how good life was at the beginning of the summer and all the good memories of our time together. An anxious feeling that I will never find someone who makes me feel so good again.
1 comment
Grief the loss of a relationship. It is similar to the death of a loved one; the relationship is dead. There is no way to go through this and have it not suck; I’m sorry.
Understand that you will be down but it will be over. Some time it will pass – I do not know how long it will take, but it will be over. You might need help.
But remember that when you found her when you were enjoying yourself. A good happy person is more likely to attract other good happy people. In time you will go back to yourself. Let yourself feel the grief, the sadness. But remember it will pass.