I was reading through the comments of this thread
And so many people are saying you should just never compliment a woman. I’ve been out of the dating game for 15 years, and when I was in it, I was under the age of 20. So the world I’m about to enter after a 15 year relationship is very different I know. But is it truly out of line to compliment grocery store cashiers, bank tellers, waitresses, bar tenders, patrons at parks or stores, etc? I don’t want to be perceived as a creep, and I would never react harshly or crazy if a woman made it clear she wasn’t receptive to it, but I thought this was a perfectly normal thing to do in order to potentially strike up a conversation with someone? Or even just compliment them, they receive it well, and you both keep moving on with your day independent of each other? I’m seriously clueless, so help me out here.
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It depends on how you compliment them. If you say something like “those clothes really bring out your figure” to a stranger then they will probably feel crept out. If you say something like “I like your pants” then I think you should be okay.
Depends on what the actual compliment is. Something friendly you would tell your friend or even a family member is fine (I like that new haircut; I like that color on you it brings out your eyes). It’s when you make it specific and almost sexual is crossing into creepy (those pants make your butt look good; [while staring at their breast] I like that shirt). When you’re a stranger hitting on someone you want to compliment their personality and if you decide to compliment their body compliment their eyes, smile, or a tattoo. Don’t compliment my shorts or my tank top because it feels like I’m being sexualized. Even if you recognize something you have in common like their shirt is a show you like, that’s the safer way to go and start a conversation.
Compliments are lovely! But you have to be careful about their content. It’s acceptable to comment on something that person can control (hairstyle, outfit, attitude, etc) and not so much their body. I’d say the exception is saying “you have a lovely/beautiful smile!”
it’s all about vibe
Not if it’s just complimenting something about their personality or helpfulness. As for looks, I wouldn’t say anything specific just that they look nice.
Don’t compliment on looks, especially those who are working.
In that post, the OP misheard the compliment, and that’s why she thought it was creepy. She never said that saying “Nice dress” is wrong.
The comments you’re referring to seem to be from men who took this to mean that you should never give any compliments, because… women will always mishear you as saying something creepy??? I’m not sure but I think they all missed the point of the post.
Anyway, some people will always be put off by compliments from strangers simply because they like to be left alone in public. Reading body language can help; if the person is stiff, turned away, looking at you funny, I wouldn’t talk to them. A genuine, non-sexualized compliment won’t be threatening to most as long as you don’t hang around afterward and ask for more info like her name, where she’s going, etc. I (as a woman) love giving compliments, but I don’t use them as a way to meet people or start anything. It’s just to brighten someone’s day and then you move on. Women can sometimes tell when your intention isn’t just to spread kindness, but instead to start something. Sometimes they can’t tell, and so they’re automatically on edge about every comment from men, because they don’t want to give the wrong idea or get into a situation.
To be clear, a compliment as an opener is fine, but you have to read the room. If you’re, say, at a bar and you compliment someone standing near you, she might say thanks, turn to you, say something back. OR she might look like she’s trying not to engage, at which point you take the L and move on. It sucks but no stranger owes you a conversation just because you said something nice. It’s a LITTLE rude to not say thank you, but pushing it isn’t right or a good idea. You just move on
ETA: I’ve experienced getting nice, innocent compliments from men which I respond positively to, only for it to be immediately followed up with vulgarity. The fact that you’re worried about not being creepy tells me you probably wouldn’t do this. Should always just keep things polite when you’re talking to strangers anyway
You can compliment someone’s earrings or something. Complimenting someone’s body is what is seen as creepy.
Edit: People are being awful to that OP. She misheard him and thought he made a lewd comment. She obviously feels bad. Women are on high alert because of how many creeps there are and while he did nothing wrong she was not crazy for her brain filling things in how it did.