He’s the love of my life! My best friend! But we just can’t agree on these big life decisions. We’ve been together since our teens and became parents in our teens. He went and worked away from home because it was good pay and we needed to make providing for our baby a priority and getting a roof over our heads, safe car etc.
It was only meant to be until we saved a house deposit and got set up for the baby. Then he was meant to come work at home. And then he said it will only be for two years. Then he promised it would stop when our first born started prep. Then we got to our first borns second year of school and he was still working away. He also downgraded jobs and was working away but the money was no more than at home job money and he waa spending 1/3 of it on his ‘nightlife’ to keep his happiness while he was away was his excuse. Things got really rocky because this didn’t make sense me. Why not just work at home then!? I dug my heels in, things got rocky between us and so he began an affair.
I gave him ultimatum. Work away life stops or I leave.
He just wanted to finish a job with his company so I moved with him to the next job far away from home. BIG. MISTAKE. coz it was only meant to be for a year or two but because of unpredictability of covid and how it made the housing market soar in prices in our home town we couldn’t afford to move back.
We bought a cheap house in another town to stay in the housing market and now rent it out so we have a safety net to move into if we ever need it.
Well now our eldest is about to start high school and I am done! This town is no place for raising teenagers. This town only exists for the mine workers. We have 4 pubs, a grocery store and a fast food restaurant.
The hospital is a tin shed! The kindy my youngest went to was 2 shipping containers out together!
There’s no shops, no university or anything like that. Nothing for them to do once they’re teenagers so there’s a lot of promiscuousness, affairs between the married miners and young girls here, drugs and crime.
We’ve been stolen from 3 times in the last 12 months!
There’s also lack of jobs for mums with school aged kids.
I work as a manger in the fast food restaurant and am having a horrible time at work. Im the only person over the age of 24 that works there! And many of the employees are disrespectful but we can’t get enough workers due to the mines paying more so just have to put up with it. They don’t show up for work, I get sworn at and no consequences for them. One of them even threw a toasted sandwich at a customer and no consequence!
So I want to leave and just move into our house. I want to live in a town there is opportunity for my kids during high school. And so I have options when it comes to employment.
But my husband told me last night that he doesn’t want to ever stop working here.
Atm he does a 1 week on 1 week off roster and he said he just doesn’t want to give that up where he gets every second week of his life off while still earning good money.
I work monday to Friday and some saturdays. And obviously the kids are Monday – Friday at school. So his roster doesn’t even fit in with us. He spends his week off without us and we only see him every second weekend. Except school holidays when I take a week off work.
So now OPTION 1 – I stay here miserable to be with him and feel like my kids miss out on opportunities through high school years.
OPTION 2- I move just me and the kids and solo parent while working full time so he can keep his every second week off lifestyle which i will resent him for
OPTION 3- I just leave him all together and find my own happiness for me and our children
TL;DR – husband won’t leave working away life for benefit of me and our children.
7 comments
Your husband seems to be making decisions solely based on his needs, while you’re left to figure things out for the rest of the family. To be honest based on the current conditions,(only seeing him a weekend) option 1 and option 2 are the same when it comes to your family dynamics. Since the possibility of staying is still something that you’ll consider, it sounds like Option 2, and you’ll likely begin to discover that you are capable to pursue option 3.
You both should do what is best for the family snd the marriage. If he is not willing to defend the marriage and is prioritizing his work over family and marriage them option 3 is for you and your family. Tell him your feelings and ask him his feelings about this. Money is not a feeling or an excuse to chose over the marriage or family. Best wishes
From what you wrote it sounds like you already made your choice of option 3. Listen, god knows that your husband has already chosen his own happiness over the family, heck he even had an affair! You are allowed to chose happiness as well instead of sacrificing everything for someone who doesn’t even seem to appreciate it.
OP, I hope you know he was having an affair long before you say he “began” his affair.
That’s why he refused to come work at home and it’s why he was spending so much money on the “night life.” He was already having an affair and he didn’t want to stop.
Option 3
“Working away life” means that he’s acting like a single man and maybe has a second family somewhere, you know that, right?
Option 3.
3. No question…3
I hate to advise divorce but besides his obvious selfishness and total lack of concern for his children, he cheated on you. That’s one I’m not sure I could come back from myself.
Don’t let your children grow up thinking his attitudes and behavior are acceptable. Teaching them that lesson at this point is probably going to require option 3.