TL;dr How should we handle a prenup without involving the Mother In Law?
I [28M] proposed a month ago, she [25F] said yes! But now we have to deal with her psycho MIL.
Wedding is set 2 years from now. We’re going to get a wedding planner as required by the venue but pushing them to do the last 2 month work.
I got scared when she brought up the marriage license. I’m trying to get a prenup (that she agreed to). But her parents are old school Italian & already gave us shit for us living together. Her mom catches wind, I have no idea what she’ll to, they’re already paying for our wedding.
Any way we can hide the prenup from her mom? Her moms been dying to take over most of the planning. Should we tell the wedding planner we’ll handle the wedding license on our end? Or full disclosure tell the wedding planner & tell the lady not to tell her mom??
15 comments
How about you just don’t tell her about it? That’s pretty easy.
1) why do you want a prenup
2) why would you have to tell her mother about it (I assume you mean the mother of the bride even though your post says “her MIL”)
What’s a wedding planner got to do with a prenup?
What on earth does the prenup have to do with any of this?
Dude are you mature enough to be married?
If you get a prenup, that isn’t involved in the wedding ceremony at all (unless you’re real weird and want to announce it for some reason lol). Your MIL wouldn’t find out about it unless you tell her.
Getting a prenup is fine but that has nothing to do with the wedding license or ceremony. If you’re this unaware of how all this works, you really should first talk to the lawyer who’s going to be handling the prenup. The prenup is none of your MIL’s business so just don’t tell her. That info is protected by attorney-client privilege between you and the lawyer.
You determine a prenup with a lawyer, it is separate from the marriage license itself, which is also separate from the wedding ceremony. Your future MIL and wedding planner are not involved in the license, which you obtain just you and your fiancee at the courthouse, nor with any arrangements you have with a lawyer. It sounds like you really have no idea how any of this stuff works, so you need to do some research and figure out what marriage actually is legally before you enter into one.
The prenup is between you, her, and the lawyer who draws it up.
Tell no one else about it, and no one else will *know* about it.
Done.
Your parents aren’t involved in the marriage or prenup process at all. Getting married and getting a prenup are two separate processes. You don’t have to present anything in court – you go see a bored clerk to get it taken care of, no public process required. Talk to a lawyer or the wedding planner, and they will clarify everything for you. Relax – this is not a difficult process. And congratulations!
why arent you paying for your own wedding ? guessing if youre getting a prenup then you already have means to pay for your own wedding, you dont need the money from people who youre labeling as psychos here.
You two just need to be on the same page.
Tell your wedding planner that MIL is not involved in the planning, and do not give MIL any contact information for the wedding planner. Planners know how to swerve MILs. Just be transparent and be prepared to decline to have them pay, if absolutely necessary. You don’t need a big wedding. You do need boundaries.
The prenup is private. Be private about it, and it will stay private.
A married couple keeps secrets from others by just keeping them. It *feels* complicated, but it sure as hell isn’t rocket science to do.
When I got a marriage license it expired in 30 days. I dont know how it works where you are.
Pre-nups and marriage license are totally separate in my experience. You get lawyers, do your pre-nup. Then go get married. I personally think a pre-nuptial agreement is very wise. Good luck out there! Congratulations! 🌈
I’m wondering why he feels he needs a pre-nup? If he has his own tech start up worth millions, he’d have his own lawyer already to explain how it’s set up.
However if he has a bunch of guy friends talking about his wife getting everything in a divorce, so he should get the house in his name and keep finances separate (and hidden), than his future MIL might have a point. The bloodbath image sounds more like more guy talk.
I think the fiancé might want to have a long look at this pre-nup business. She’s stuck between her boyfriend and her mother, and it’s starting to sound like the mother might be onto something.
You marry someone because you love them, you want to spend your life with them, have kids with them and grow old with them. You don’t go into it anticipating a divorce and finding ways to keep shared income from your future wife (and children).
There are laws that protect the both spouses and any children. The pre-nup does not supersede any laws that protect the spouse and children.
I think my first step would be to go online and find out what a pre-nup is.
The marriage license won’t mention the prenup at all and has nothing to do with the prenup so by seeing the marriage license your MIL won’t know about the prenup.