I(21F) have been talking to this guy (21M) who started to hang out with my brother (22M), and I can’t tell if he’s looking for a hookup/FWB situation or if he’s looking for an actual relationship. Sometimes I get the vibe that
he’s a player, but other times I get the vibe that he’s really inexperienced with talking to girls. He texts me everyday, and he’s done things for me that I don’t even ask him to do. An example is if he sees me reaching for something, he always steps in with no hesitation. And also, I needed shelves for my room, and he helped me
set them up without me asking. It’s small things like that.
For example, he does go out a lot with his friends, which doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s hooking up with a lot of girls, but at our age, I know quite a few guys that go out to find hook ups so it’s throwing me off.
Other times, he talks to me and, no offense, but he seems kinda dumb with talking to girls. Like the questions he asks are so out of left field, that it really makes me question whether or not he talks to girls often. Also, and I know this may come off as mean, but he also isn’t god-tier attractive that I would think he’d get a lot of female attention. Idk how to word that
without sounding rude!! I’m no looker either!
But does anyone have any signs to look for to tell
whether or not he only likes me for a hook up purpose or if he actually wants a relationship? There’s definitely chemistry between us, and I feel like we clicked when we met. I’m just not looking for a hookup and would rather have an actual relationship/friendship.
TL;DR How do I know what to look for to see if a guy wants a relationship or just a hookup?
5 comments
It’s more important that you know what you want. If you’re wanting a relationship I’d just be honest and say like hey I’m not sure what you’re looking from with this but I’m into you and I’d like to see if we could start something a little more serious. As a guy I’d prefer a girl to tell me what she wants if she knows.
>talking to this guy (21F)
MTF OR FTM?
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>I’m just not looking for a hookup and would rather have an actual relationship/friendship.
Then, that should be stated out loud and get agreement on that being the game plan with someone.
He might be friendly/helpful/attentive with you, because he’s friends with your brother. Your brother may (or may not) have a fair idea of what his friend thinks of you.
He sounds like a good guy especially with doing all those things for you but it’s always good to be cautious, tbh tho I think you should ask him out for a date. Like ask him just to go out and get ice cream, like why not and then you can feel out his intentions a little better. But I think guys that are looking for a hookup will make sexual advances towards you or jokes. If this guy is really trying to get to know you and your personality then sounds like he may be a good one. I personally don’t think he wants a hookup but could want a friends with benefits rather than a gf, keep an open mind tho don’t jump to any conclusions. If he is doing all those things for you tho I personally would believe he would be wanting a relationship but only you can find out for sure.
Wait, so what makes you get the player vibe? Just the fact that he goes out with his friends a lot??
I went out with friends a lot at that age and didn’t hook up with any girls.
I agree with the comments here that are pointing out knowing what you want. You only need to know what you want and set that as this premise. Whoever matches, matches. Whoever walks into your life has an idea of what they’re entering and if they don’t respect it, they can be left off.
HowEVER. If there is something they want to try out BEFORE getting comfortable for a relationship, like dating casually then you can BOTH come to a conclusion of how you want to proceed. I definitely have men I’ve dated with the intention of something serious while hooking up with the hook uppers