I am just 35 years old. Faced quite a few traumatising experiences in my life. Got married 7 years back. My husband came down with a heavy fever immediately after we got married. After all the tests it was discovered that he was born with a single kidney which couldn’t handle all the pressure and thus damaged to the extent of 85%. Then came the dialysis and kidney transplant (his father donated the kidney). Just 3 years back, life started getting a bit normal. But then I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer 2 years back few months before the pandemic. Got my treatment done including surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy during the pandemic. As soon as my treatment was over, everyone started pressurising for the kids (because being married for 7 years with all these problems is not enough). Mr.Husband wanted to have his own kids which I denied given the history of cancer (which later was diagnosed to be genetic). I denied to have my own kids. Now we are divorced.
Went through lot of therapy sessions and meditation sessions so that I can get back to normal life. Just 2 months back, one of old friends who has been very good friend till now proposed marriage. He said he loves me a lot. But I felt scared just by the thought of getting married and feel that I am not worthy of this. I just feel that why should I drag someone in my own problematic life. What should I do? M so scared of this relationship thing anymore.
2 comments
Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life? If not, you need to keep moving forward but at your own pace. There’s no need to rush into marriage, but go out, date, enjoy yourself because it’s part of the healing journey.
You said you thought you weren’t worthy. That suggests that you probably need a bit more therapy to find your self worth and confidence again. Take care of yourself but don’t hide from life
If you don’t feel like you’re ready for a relationship at this point yet, then don’t get into it. You cant work on a relationship and work on yourself at the same time, both need a lot of time and effort. If you get into a relationship while thinking this way about yourself, you’re gonna end up losing yourself in the relationship, and losing your partner.
Find yourself before finding someone else. It’ll be totally worth it, and i’m sure you can do it.