A friend (28F) mimicked my life for months and so I (30F) cut her off. As revenge, she is defaming me at work to coworkers and my manager. I just want peace. What do I do?

This is very long, so there is a TL;DR at the bottom.

I became friends with this girl at work (lets call her Jess) who had recently come out of a marriage, and has two kids. Jess told me her ex husband was abusive and controlling. This is a flaw of mine but when someone comes to me that they’re struggling I often want to help in some way. Be it by giving them a hand, or listening, or just being there.

I first noticed her clinginess when she was telling coworkers that we were ‘besties’ three weeks into being friends. I have never ever called her my best friend. She would bring me gifts at work – clothes, shoes, food, books – and if I turned something down, she would push and eventually just leave it at my desk and walk away. Some of the stuff she gifted me is still sitting at my desk, untouched, because I never wanted nor did I ask for it. It made me uncomfortable but I didn’t say anything.

I had an emergency situation at my condo and had to move out within two weeks. Jess offered me the second bedroom in her place for a month and a half. I bought groceries and babysat whenever she needed it as collateral for letting me stay, which she suggested. This way, she got to go on lots of dates (sometimes 3 or 4 a week) as she is exploring the dating scene again.

I ended up leaving a couple days ago because I couldn’t handle it anymore:

Jess has done things that have not sit well with me. She added my closest and not so close friends on IG, and messaged them ABOUT me. She hasn’t met these people when she adds and messages them about me. My boyfriend’s ex girlfriend passed away and Jess added this dead girl’s sibling to, and I quote, “see the private photos of the sisters”. She has no connection whatsoever to this family, has never met them. I found it incredibly embarrassing and strange, as well as disrespectful of her to be seeking some morbid entertainment from this girls death. She also stated she would make up a lie that she was friends with this girl before her death, in the event that her sister inquired. I am still having a hard time understanding how someone can do that. I distanced myself from social media and I will fully get off of it because I hate it even more now.

She has copied the clothing I like/buy. I was once looking at a specific item which she called ‘ugly’. A couple minutes later, she bought it. She then asked if we could wear it on the same day. She used to poke fun at me for eating ‘grass fed’ and ‘organic’ foods, but now buys exactly that. That is great, but the fact that she went from making fun of me to then doing that exact thing, is unsettling. When we first met, she asked for a list of my favourite brands and stores. It just feels like she wanted everything I had or liked, even if she didn’t like it.

My sister and I are going on a sibling trip and Jess said she would like to meet us there to ‘befriend’ my sister (they haven’t met). Jess has made comments about wanting to meet my mother, drive her around the city. She has mentioned being an ‘honorary member’ of my family. My family is very introverted and I’ve tried to explain this to her. I don’t think she actually listens to me 75% of the time though, because she often asks ‘what?’ or completely changes the subject. That itself was exhausting.

She made a joke that she would hook up with a guy I hooked up with years ago in a different province (she is visiting that province soon). I know it was just a quick joke, but it stood out to me because of her other actions and comments. She also asked me to tell her what my psychologist and I spoke about during an appointment. When I refused, she replied with ‘I’m going to tell you everything when I see one!’.

She showed up to an event where a friend of mine was, just to hang out with him (they weren’t going together, they had never spoken in person before, even). I explained to her that this was strange and I felt uneasy by it. She then took a selfie with my friend and sent it to me. I had made the plans with this friend to go to a bar and catch up this week, Jess asked if she could come and I said no, I’d like to just catch up with him alone. She texted me from the party later and said ‘Friend has invited me to your hangout!’. I just couldn’t believe it. I felt guilt for telling her off all the time, but I also felt angry, suffocated, scared and incredibly uncomfortable by how deeply integrated in my life she tried to be.

She isn’t handling this friendship ‘breakup’ well and has messaged my manager and a coworker, not sure if she has talked to more but I would not be surprised. Messaging my manager was the final straw and I lost it on her, I yelled and swore at her and told her she was messed up. I couldn’t handle her tactics anymore. I am deeply disturbed by the fact that she did this and felt like it was okay to do so. My manager did not take her message seriously and asked if I was safe and helped me find a place to stay for the month.

Jess was mimicking my life without even realizing it, I believe. She tells herself lies that she truly thinks are true. She was very negative, and I tried to deter her from speaking ill about people so much and just focusing on inner peace but she never did. I don’t know that she really self reflects. She is very, very defensive. Her actions and words are manipulative and controlling. Now that she’s defaming me at work, I feel like I am at my wits end. Is there any point in trying to make sense of this? I hate tension and drama and I just want peace. I am unsure of what to do from here, or how to handle it. I don’t want to report her as that may result in her losing her job and she has two kids to look after.

TL;DR: An ex friend of mine mimicked my life, tried to make my friends her friends and my family her family. Copied my style, habits and interests. I was disturbed and scared so I broke up with her and now she is going after me by defaming me at my workplace.