Guy from previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/w7pqod/does_he_want_me_back_or_is_he_just_being_nice/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
To make matters worse, I’m a complete idiot and was looking at his contact card, called him by mistake, and now, he won’t stop checking up on me, and it’s painful. I know that he’s just trying to be nice and make amends, and he literally has dozens of friends, but he puts on this “nice-guy” facade, and it’s painful to think back on how many times he kept me at arm’s length and made it clear that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. I’d like to send him one final kind, but firm text telling him to stop contacting me and to give him some closure. What should I text him, and has anything similar happened to anyone else?
Edit: He contacted me two more times after I called him by mistake, asking me how work is and if I have any plans for my birthday.
11 comments
Sooo…. If I had liked them originally, I tend to scare them off by asking to be my BF and coming to my parents for the weekend. Sadly, it works. Lol!
Can you clarify the way in which he is checking on you? What did he say, and how many times has he contacted you since you called him?
You went out with him for one month, a year ago.
Just block him.
He doesn’t need closure—just block him.
>I’d like to send him one final kind, but firm text telling him to stop contacting me and to give him some closure.
“Hey, this isn’t working for me so let’s just leave things here. But I wish you well and hope we both find what we’re looking for!”
Then you don’t have to respond to him anymore from there on out.
“Hey Cornelius. I am sorry if I’ve given you the impression that I want to have contact; I do not. I appreciate that you’re trying to be kind, but i want to be clear I’m not available for conversation, acquaintanceship, or friendship with you. I do hope you’re well but I’d appreciate if you didn’t contact me again. Take care.”
Eta: if he doesn’t stop texting or calling after that just block him — in that case he’s ignoring your stated wish for no further contact, and blocking is fully justified. But honestly that text is super clear and he’ll probably back off unless he’s a dude who just doesn’t care about boundaries.
He’s just bored/lonely/horny and circling back to old flings to see if anyone will bite. It’s super common out there.
K so I had this exact situation.
I told him firmly and nicely, that I wasn’t interested.
He kept contacting me. So I asked him to respect my boundaries, and to stop contacting me.
Guess what? He kept contacting me. So I started being super blunt with him, and told him flat out why I wasn’t interested.
Finally, I just blocked him.
Just block him. If he’s not getting the signal by now, he’s not going to.
You literally don’t have to say anything to him at all. Truly. You used the word “painful” in your post twice as a descriptor of him/your “situationship”, and it is absolutely OK to no re-engage with him. For your own sanity and emotional well-being, just block him.
Ive had a guy I dated 2 years prior reach out to me every 3 months to try to date me again. I had zero interest and had a bf. I tried to be kind and told him I don’t see anything more than friendship here and if he was wanting more than I could not give him what he was looking for. He continued to reach out, which really pissed me off as he was disrespecting my boundaries. It got to the point where I literally told him, I am not interested and please stop asking me.
He might think your interested so I would just be firm and hope he is doing well, but you’re not interested in communicating further. Don’t add the friendship aspect like I did, I’ve learned from the past that offering friendship gives them hope so don’t bother.
You are 31. Just come up for yourself. Don’t worry about his feelings.