TLDR: Traveling together has not been great and I would like to take a trip alone
Me (F25) and my boyfriend (M30) have been together almost 6 years so its safe to say we have a pretty serious relationship. Its taken a really long time of growing together and learning from our mistakes but for the most part we have a really solid relationship I think. He is my best friend and I love him with all my heart BUT when we travel together, it is NOT great.
We’ve taken a few trips spanning from a single day to about a week and it has almost never gone well. We usually manage to end up having a mostly good time but we are not compatible when it comes to being punctual, having/following a plan or communicating when we are somewhere else. We usually start with a general, sometimes even specific, idea of what we are going to do and he sometimes just changes everything last minute or does not make enough time to get to other things we have planned and it stresses me out to the point that I have cried and we have cut it very close to missing flights. He is also the type of person to be super unpleasant to be around when he is hangry which is usually very hard on me because he can be straight up mean and it ends with me not having a good time and just wanting to go home- as you know, when you’re in a strange place you may not know where the nearest restaurant is and whereas I’m the type to keep calm and trust that we can find somewhere, he just gets really irritated and tends to become very curt and rude- I can get hangry too but it doesn’t manifest that way or as quickly as often. What I’ve also found is that I tend to tiptoe around my feelings and the things I want to do because I want him to have a good time and I won’t be as direct when I need to be which ends up causing problems too. I don’t know if its the stress or just the idea that we NEED to have a good time that ends up backfiring or what but we just always end up arguing when we get back home.
So, ever since I was in high school I have wanted to go to Europe and I have put it off every year because I never felt ready or had my financials prepared. Well finally this year, I have enough saved up and I will be going for a couple of weeks to a few cities. We have talked about it and he says he is okay with it and thinks/understands if I want to go alone which I honestly do. I will be spending a few days in a few historical cities (I LOVE history, artifacts and art) I have always wanted to visit (think stereotypical euro-trip) and plan to visit as many historical sites, museums, food tastings, etc., as possible which I know I can do if I stick to a paced schedule. Do any of you travel alone despite being in long term relationships and would you suggest it if it could be done “right?” Does it negatively impact you? I don’t plan on doing any “single” activities like clubbing or barhopping, might visit a pub during the day in London but I want to know if there is anything we should discuss.
5 comments
Just make a plan about communication expectations. When can you send updates? Be able to talk or text? Things like that.
I’d personally feel left out on all the first experiences to be had at all the sites and if we went together later, it wouldn’t be the same as us both experiencing it for the first time. The magic is gone the second time around.
But that’s just me.
Also of course the potential danger of being by yourself in a strange land.
I took 3 solo days on my own *honeymoon* to explore London (I am also a nerd for art museums and the like). If that is what you want, and you want to do it at your pace with no pressure, *then go for it*.
So definitely London (loved the Tate Modern!). Florence (Uffizi was outstanding). Madrid (go early to the Prado, the Spaniards are not morning people, you can have Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights all to yourself).
As for the hangry, he can learn to carry around a granola bar. His inability to prepare for contingencies is no excuse to rage on you. That is shit behavior.
Im as controlling as the next guy but since he gave his blessing and you aren’t looking to party im not sure what your looking for.
If you are looking to help him worry less something like a 10pm video call from hotel to let him know your fine and miss him and not wondering the streets would go a long way.
Also show him detailed list of say the paris no go zones so he knows you are taking your safety seriously.
Traveling solo is going to have a significantly less negative impact on your relationship than traveling with him. You can look forward to doing everything you want to do, on time, without walking on eggshells and having to worry about your partner getting hangry and taking it out on you (he’s a grown man and can bring a snack, he has no business being shitty to you because he failed to be a responsible adult). I’d honestly say that you should travel solo or with friends regardless of what he thinks after reading what it’s like to travel with him.
The only thing you should establish is if you call/text/email when you get back to the hotel in the evening, before you leave in the morning, or another time that doesn’t interfere with your activities.