How would you react if your partner came out and said they were bisexual? I’m currently hiding in the closet and feel like my wife should know this about me, not in a “I want a threesome or to mess with dudes” way though. More so, since we’ve been married for 8 years and I think it’s something she should know about.
15 comments
how old are you?
You want to tell her your bi then do it but be warned its might not go well for you.
But also you say you don’t want anything like a 3some or anything so if you don’t want sexual encounters with another man why risk what you have.
But it’s only you cam really sort this if was me I would test her on it first joke about a 3some with a second guy involved see her reaction.
Yeah it’s risk tht might nit be worth it if she doesn’t take it well.
Do you know her feelings toward the LGBT+ community?
I don’t like the idea that it’s something someone should have to keep secret. The closet is a shit place to live. And I always held the opinion that a biphobic person is not worth having as a partner anyway (though I’m probably biased as I was kicked down a flight of stairs after being outed as bi at school)
I’m sex positive and if my wife came out as bi, I’d be fine.
You have to weigh your options here.
Are you prepared to have your marriage ended by sharing this part of you?
Are prepared to possibly be traumatized, or hear incredibly hurtful things from your wife by sharing this part of you?
How important or integral is your sexuality to your identity?
Are there other people who know that you’re bi? If not, is there anyone else that you can tell instead (or at least first)?
Have you known that you were bi for your whole relationship, or is this a recent (within the past 8 years) discovery?
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I’m super sorry that you’re in this situation and feel like the woman that you love might not be supportive. That must be a very lonely feeling. I would love it if we lived in a world where you could be your complete self without sacrificing your love and relationship.
You just have to make this decision for yourself. If you do come out, I hope that your wife is supportive. If you decide to not come out, I hope you have some sort of support system to stand by you.
Full send
If my wife came out to me as bi I would think was cool And be turned on she trusted me so much to tell me
Also not looking for threesone at all either.
This is rough.
On one hand she is your wife and (probably) vowed to love you unconditionally. On the other hand if you do tell her and she takes it badly you’ll find out that her love is very conditional cause you being bi doesn’t have to change anything if she doesn’t want it to.
It’s either gonna be okay or it’s gonna really fucking sting. She SHOULD be okay with this. It SHOULD motivate her to ask questions and learn more about you. It should strengthen your relationship, not ruin it.
8 years and now you tell her? Wow bro… YTA
How do you think *this* conversation would go:
“I have made some chicken for dinner.”
“I really like steak.”
“You want to have steak instead?”
“No, no, I also like chicken. I am never going to eat steak, despite how much I like it, but I think my liking it, in addition to chicken, is something you should know about.”
If you are not planning to indulge your fondness for dick, bringing up the issue with your non-dick-having wife is only going to worry and upset her. Unless you feel that you cannot live without more beef in your diet, I don’t see the upside.
I’m surprised to see so many negative answers. I would be fine with my husband being bi, but we enjoy talking about sex and sexualities and enjoy sharing fantasies, and I feel 100% secure that he loves and desires me and would never pursue sex outside the marriage unless it was a joint decision. He knows I had sex with women prior to our relationship. We socialize with and have close friends who are gay, lesbian, bi, trans. In short, it would be a non-issue. I feel it is sad if you can’t share intimate parts of yourself with the person who should know you the best.
I have no idea what kind of person your wife is, but if you have reason to fear she will react poorly, perhaps talking with a counselor or peer support group could help you decide what to do and to deal with her reactions.
Reading that she’s not supportive of the LGBTQ+ community is worrisome, but also you shouldn’t have to hide a part of yourself from a very important person in your life. If you feel like you need to tell her, you should.
Expect lots of questions, possibly accusations, and know she may be upset that you withheld this info from her for as long as you did (even if it’s not something you thought about until recently). Coming out is scary and is always a risk, but no one should have to hide. What you do depends on how important this is to you personally, and if you’re ready to bear whatever she may have to say about it.
When I came out to my bf of 4 years that I was bi, he was surprised and asked questions but was supportive. When I came out to my mom, she told me it’s fine as long as I’m not with a woman and said she didn’t understand the appeal lol, but she nonetheless said she loves me and said “I could never be angry with you for being who you truly are”.
I can’t guarantee it will go so well for you, but I wish the best for you ❤️
That’s something you should have told her before your were getting married (I’d be pissed as hell because of the lie even thought I wouldn’t be upset by the fact itself, it’s not something I’d want to know on the first date but definitely before getting engaged)… unless obviously you only recently discovered you also like men.
Anyway considering you say she isn’t supportive of the lgbtq+ community be prepared for her to get angry, upset, dissapointed, insecure, develops trust issues, your sex life could be dead from that point on or she might want to get a divorce if you decide to tell her. Only you can know if that risk is worth it.
My wife found out I was bi when she went through my phone and saw some porn I was looking at and found some messages I had sent to guys. I had never been with a guy before but had always been curious. She confronted me and I admitted it. She lost her fucking shit. Screaming and crying. Told me I had to go to therapy etc. Afterwards she wouldn’t trust me hanging out with my friends or even going to work. Everything was normal and good up to that point and a downward spiral after. We ended up divorcing a couple years later and she’s made sure to let my family, everyone in town, and my current girlfriend about my “dirty laundry.” I wouldn’t say I was bi when we met. I was 18 when we met and we were together for 9 years. but had been more and more curious as time went on and our sex life stalled out and became boring and predictable. We always had the ” let’s be more adventurous” talk, but then when I tried new things, or tried to be spontaneous, she would shut me down. Sorry for the rant. All I can say is good luck
I just got out of a 5 ur relationship and found out my boyfriend was having sex with men. I have never had a problem with gay men actually liked them and hung out with a few. But now I have strong dislike towards gay men. He never confessed to being gay. But I’ve struggled ever since I Left him