And he thinks he’s outsmarting everything.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home due to all his made up and ever changing rules. I lost my job at the beginning and he doesn’t want me to go back out to work because I would be exposed. But his concern isn’t for my safety, he’s afraid *he’ll* die if he catches it.
If I need to go out for anything it becomes so stressful trying to get back in the house because I have to “decontaminate” everything. It becomes such a hassle and production that I don’t feel like it’s worth even going out. Even if I drive to the post office, never get out of my car, use hand sanitizer after dropping an envelope into the *touchless* mail slot he *still* demands I go through the decontamination process.
Everything has to sit in quarantine before we open it, which the length of time keeps changing. Food gets sprayed down with a bleach mix and it doesn’t matter if I say I think he’s poisoning us by doing this, because he’s so smart and therefore he’s right. Don’t worry, he doesn’t spray fresh fruit and vegetables or anything like that. We just never buy any now.
And now he’s risking his job because he refuses to travel anywhere. They want to send him to another state for training and he keeps fighting his boss about going. His boss is obviously looking for ways to get rid of him because of this. And any new job offers he gets he either turns down because he would need to travel for training, or he lists his ridiculous demands and never gets a call back.
At this point I’m hoping he catches covid just to get it over with. It makes me sound like a horrible person, I know. But he has been “exposed” to it several times now with his job and has not shown a single symptom. Plus being fully vaxxed and boosted.
All I know is I can’t keep living like this. I’m not sure how much longer I can last while everyone else is seemingly adapting to this and living their lives. I plan in my head how to quickly pack up what I need and just drive to stay with my family in another state. But all I can think is how this would just be over if he finally catches covid, maybe he’ll finally see he can stop living like this. He’s become such a paranoid germophobe that I don’t think he’s going to stop even after the pandemic “ends.” He’s going to want to live like this for the rest of his life and I just can’t.
For the record, I am not antivax or anti mask. I still wear my mask when I *do* go out, I will get another booster if the cdc says it is needed. But I just don’t think we need to go to the lengths he is going to not catch covid.
Thanks for reading my rant. Let the hate flow.
27 comments
Do what you need to do to maintain good mental, physical and emotional health. Offer to get him therapy or tell him he will need a divorce attorney.
I could never live like that, I’m sorry you’re going through that. I wouldn’t be so sure it will all be back to normal if he catches covid – people like this will PROBABLY find a new reason/explanation for why they must continue to live this way. If you don’t have kids I’d say the decision for me would be easy…
Therapy (for him) or divorce, that would be my take.
He has taken a disease with a 99.6% survival rate and made it seem like the entire earth’s atmosphere is laced with Ebola. He may as well be wearing a tinfoil hat and spending $1000 a month on canned beans for the fallout shelter.
It sounds like he can’t be reasoned with and may be dealing with some serious mental health challenges. Obviously no one on Reddit can diagnose those challenges, but I can agree with you that I wouldn’t be able to live like that. I’d offer him the choice – serious therapy to deal with his mental health issues or a separation for you to live independently.
I can’t even read this in entirety. Does he know how viral mutations work? Natural immunity? I have worked in a hospital and have never stopped working since the pandemic started so I can’t wrap my head around the paranoia. You CANNOT live like this. He needs to cut it the fuck out or you need to leave because that’s unhealthy AF.
I know people with autoimmune diseases that don’t even do half of that stuff.
I think he mY need to be evaluated, it’s obvious that something is going on with him and the inconsistency is a big clue.
Stop indulging his crazy. Go back to work. Quit the decon routine. Quit doing all his weird demands. Make a few demands yourself like he goes to therapy, get his shit together at work and stops the paranoid delusional rituals like spraying bleach on things and he quits making you adhere to his ridiculous requests.
You can get it more than once. I know someone who has had it three times this year. So that won’t solve it.
1) it’s so sad that you, OP, and we as a society have to preface or add that we are not antivax, simply because we choose to use some level of
common sense.
2) does your husband have personality traits that trend to paranoia or anxiety? Maybe therapy is in order?
I am not a psychiatrist/ psychologist but it seems he has issues to say the least. Paranoia, ocd. He has mental health issues with the extent he is going through.
He needs to get help asap.
This seems more like he’s developed OCD/ anxiety rather than normal COVID precautions. I’m an ER doc and I don’t do any of this. I still mask when I’m out in public, I have a group of friends I see regularly and we don’t mask around each other. Because I work ER I admit I’m more anxious than others, but there has to be balance. COVID right now isn’t causing near the amount of acute respiratory illness as it was, it’s just normal viral illness symptoms. All we can do is vaccinate, take reasonable precautions, and still live our lives.
I would highly recommend your husband speak with his doctor, they may be able to help ease some of his anxiety. I also think therapy might be indicated for him at this point.
Good luck!
I assume he’s read up on COVID a lot. How does he not understand it’s airborne? Everyone else learned by mid-2020 that you don’t need to decontaminate food or other items brought into the house.
Your husband can’t see the forest from the trees. What’s the point of surviving if your family isn’t happy?
At this point the mental health risk x consequence far far higher than the risk x consequence of COVID
Hey homie, as a person who has OCD (albeit a mild case) I think your husband might be affected. I see a lot of cold-hearted replies here just saying “divorce him” and while I can see that as a valid solution if he refuses to seek any treatment or help, he may very well not be aware of the fact that he’s acting so irrationally. I would seriously suggest that he at least go to a few therapy sessions to seek some help for his issues. I know that as soon as I went off my OCD medication I began to exhibit similar traits regarding separate issues, so it might be a good idea to have him evaluated to see if he can get any help.
It sounds like he has undiagnosed OCD around decontamination. It’s a thing. Get him talking to a therapist who specializes in that so that the both of you are no longer prisoners to his rituals.
It almost sounds like he has developed a phobia of COVID. Do you know anybody who has died or been severely hospitalized by COVID? All of this sanitation and overly precaution cannot be good for your natural immune system or your mental health. What if you slowly, very slowly, stop doing the things he is wanting you to do? He isn’t going to catch COVID from your groceries or your mail.
Sis this is mental illness ocd bordering on psychosis
I was really proud of my teen daughter for taking the pandemic seriously, for masking up, for getting the vaccine, for social distancing, etc. She did such a great job handling this, that I was surprised when she pushed back against reopening and going back to school, and getting back to life.
I realized pretty quickly that the pandemic had traumatized her, and that she wasn’t able to cope with the fear and begin living again. She wasn’t able to trust being safe when safety had been ripped away from her so suddenly and at such a young age.
I took her to a therapist last year, and I talked to her. Over the course of a few months, she started experimenting with small things like going to the mall while masked and spending the night at the house of a friend whose family had been vaccinated and avoided unnecessary exposure.
This year, she’s back in school and started her first job a month ago. She’s finally starting to trust that she’s okay again. She needed help to get there; I think there are probably a lot of people (adults included) who do.
I think your husband does as well. You need to talk to him openly and clearly about what this is doing to you and to your marriage, and you need to ask him to get help. If he resists, you need to let him know what the ultimate outcome is likely to be.
I don’t think it’s wrong of you to leave if you have to: no one can live like that forever. But I do think you should give him a chance.
I understand. My husband is pretty close to this. That being said, my husband has cancer and is actively doing chemo, so we do need to be careful. But, even before he was immune-compromised, he was limiting where I could go and who I could see.
Ultimately, we worked with his therapist and now we are at a point where I go where I want, as long as I mask first. Neither of us have caught covid (that we know of), and he’s double-boosted because of the cancer.
I think therapy is definitely in order since his mental health is struggling. I just wanted to share my story so you felt less alone…I know I have felt very alone watching my friends go back to ‘normal’ life and being stuck at home.
These are compulsions; he’d benefit from a therapist. I hope you can convince him of this. I personally tend to fall into obsession, usually just with hobbies or things that I get **deep** into for a few months and then never revisit- so while I do not have experience with thoughts and behaviors at his level, I can almost understand the framework and see the wheels turning in his decision making. He’ll need help pulling out of this.
Maybe undiagnosed OCD?
We still practice “decontamination” in our household. Especially if I (we) went out for more than 6 hours.
I still sanitize groceries just because kids touch them too.
I had contracted covid (from exH who still doesn’t believe COVID is real) and it’s scary as hell. 5/6 had it in our household. I’m more scared for my kids though.
All hospitals were full. Even online consultation was hard. I had difficulty in breathing, my oxygen level dropped. It’s so hard to find oxygen tank, prices were ridiculously high too.
I still have Parosmia. It’s crazy, the coffee that I love now smells like cigarette smoke. Garlic (which I love) smells the same too. I mostly smell rotten stuff when nobody else can smell it. I sometimes still experience difficulty in breathing from time to time even at rest. It’s been a year now.
But even after all that I worked on site for about a month then went back to WFH. I still allow my kids to go out on their own. One even went to an indoor concert. We need to adopt.
I agree with all the OCD comments, it DEFINITELY sounds like contamination OCD
How old are you and your husband? Does your husband have pre-existing conditions to cause him to think he’s gonna die if he gets covid? Your post reminds me so much of how paranoid I first was with covid because I live with my 80 year old mom who had tons of health problems. But ever since the vaccines came out…. My mentality has changed. Time to move on with life. Covid will never “go away”. Make sure your loved ones with health problems are up to date on their vaccines….. but it’s time to live life and stop being paranoid about covid
He’s gonna be real pissed when he finds out it’s airborne and sanitizing surfaces is pointless
Whoa. Is he immune compromised or in another high risk group? I’m just trying to understand his level of fear here. He definitely needs some kind of therapy to help him get over this or at least learn to live with it without allowing it to affect his (and your) life.
I wish I had better advice for you here, but I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I would not be able to live like that either! Myself, my husband, and our daughter just had covid a few weeks ago, and while it was not pleasant by any stretch, I didn’t find it terribly worse than the flu or pneumonia. I know that’s not the case for everyone, but has seemed to be what I’ve heard from most everyone I know who has had it. Your husband could have had it already and been asymptomatic – maybe suggest an antibody test? I don’t know if that would make a difference, but it might help him to know he has natural immunity on top of the vax and boosters?
OP I work in healthcare, and worked directly with COVID patients. I have watched a lot of people die. One was even a close friend of mine.
Even after that, I can say your husband is clearly not well. I don’t work in mental health, so I can’t tell you what it is, but it seems serious. You need to forego a therapist and talk to his GP so you can get him referred to a psychiatrist, because he might need medication for this. I would venture to say this is above a therapist’s pay grade and based on what you’ve described, he may be more inclined to listen to an MD- psychiatrists are MDs.
I’ve seen a lot of strange things come out of this pandemic. You need to get this addressed quickly. It could even be something neurological instead of psychiatric.