So I started texting a guy I liked on insta back in April. We hit it off very well, we’re both from the same city but since he’s in the military he’s in a different state so I planned to fly out to see him in July. He’s incredibly sweet and mature. I don’t like being in talking stages for more than 3 months if we do click because i feel like it’s a waste of my time. I told this to him and he said we’ll get there eventually. He did say that I was trying to force him into a relationship as a “joke” but I took it personally and I expressed how it hurt me but he assured me it was not that serious and that I’m not wasting my time with him and that he’s serious about me. He did tell me he wants to take things slow because he doesn’t want to get hurt which I understand but what’s the holdback? One big concern was him saying he wants to keep the relationship private which I do like to an extent up until the point where no one knows until you tell them. I just can’t help to feel empty like something is wrong or that he doesn’t like me or he’s going to break it off. I do overthink a lot and like reassurance but I feel like it’ll annoy him or push him away if I keep bugging. Any tips on how I can feel better about feeling this way or try to make this work?
TL:DR I need advice on how I can stop feeling that way and feel assured without asking
2 comments
Sounds sketchy to me. Maybe he’s married or has a girlfriend?
I think you need to revisit this conversation and state it a little differently. You do not like to have a talking stage longer than three months without a commitment. A VALID boundary to keep yourself from getting led on (and I personally 100% agree!). I would state that you two have been talking since April and it is now August. You have had a lot of fun together, but if you are going to continue this relationship, his “free trial”(lol) has ended. 3 months is a perfectly reasonable amount of time for him to get to know you, and if he is not willing to commit at this point, then you are not going to wait around forever just in case he does. My mom always says, “either shit or get off the pot!”. I would also emphasize that you won’t be agreeing to be his “secret girlfriend” either. You deserve a guy who is proud to show you off. One who wants to keep you under wraps is one of three things: insecure, worried about upsetting his other options, or has commitment issues that mean he’s not ready for a relationship material. And trust me honey if you dont put your foot down at some point, you are just enabling him to keep wasting your time. Best of luck. Hopefully he is just nervous and not an asshole lol