Should I drop everything I am doing to answer/call girlfriend?
We are long distance and calling is huge/really important but I also need to get a lot of things done and we would be on the phone for 15-45 minutes. We call multiple times a day sometimes and I should be able to call her at nights too.
I love talking to her but I also need to make time for myself and I would feel bad if I said, “hey babe I am practicing guitar right now – studying right now – etc.” She is busy too and I will see her on the weekend but I am not sure if me saying this would be good or not.
Would it be considered ignoring, not making enough time for her?
Or would it be respectable for doing my own thing and setting limits? Even though I could and want to give her the time although I should get things done.
Any input would be great!
15 comments
There’s nothing wrong with wanting time to yourself – it’s actually a healthy thing to do, as long as you balance time with her and time to yourself. The two of you need to talk and come to an agreement about what is the appropriate amount of communication needed for your relationship.
Personally if I get a call while I’m doing something that I can’t/don’t want to stop, I ignore it. If it’s something really important they’ll call again.
Otherwise I’ll call them back when I’m finished, and just tel them I was busy, what did you want to talk about?
One of my exes was a travel nurse and we spent a couple months apart (we visited each other in that time as well) but I would just tell her ‘ Hey I’m in the middle of (x) can I call you back?’
Explain calmly to her that as much as she is a priority for you, she’s not your only priority. When you’re busy, your busy, and you’re not going to jump like a dog at her every beck and call. You don’t need to explain that your practicing guitar or whatever it is that you’re doing. No matter how frivolous she might think something is, it’s something that’s important you. If she can’t get that through her head, how is the relationship going to look long term? I’d tell her something like “If I say that I’m busy, I expect you to respect that and understand that I’ll get back to you when I can, and I’ll return that same respect to you.” If she can’t respect the way that you manage your own time, then what else can you expect to deal with?
Just say you need some alone time from time to time
Communication.
If you are doing something so important that you can’t talk when she calls. Tell her that.
Hun I’m be doing this for about 2 hours. Talk after.
Be clear and respectful
Having time to yourself isn’t optional and if she doesn’t understand it, she isn’t ready for a relationship
My solution is to avoid LDR.
Put some tape on the floor to define where she is allowed to go in the apartment. That’s the best way to set boundaries.
I got around most of the “can’t talk” moments by getting a headset. So long as my hands are free and I don’t have to balance a phone, I can keep doing whatever it is I’m doing. Obviously, some exceptions do come up, but it does help a lot since the time difference is already an obstacle enough as it is.
Communicate. Its good to have some space for you so you wont lose yourself. If she guilt trips you, or makes a big deal about it think long and hard if thats what you want to be dealing with if she doesnt change
pour a circle of salt and the demon will not be able to cross the boundary
Just tell her you’re busy! But say it nicely and reassure her so it doesnt seem like you are becoming distant/less invested in the relationship.
You have to do it right away. Before sex if you can
Allow them to do whatever annoys you, the pap their hand and tell them “No, bad girl. Don’t touch.”