I found the answer to why I was always disliked by everyone

Hello everyone

====Backstory: Skip if you want to====

For as far back as I can remember, I was always disliked and ignored by my peers. In school, everyone hated me, and I suffered from extreme depression due to the loneliness I faced. I still remember when I graduated from high school, at the school farewell party (where I was only invited coz it was mandatory to invite everyone), no one clicked any pics with me. Whenever there was a group photo being clicked, I always was pushed out of frame.

People told me a few things in school, such as ‘ I will never know the touch of a woman, let alone get a girlfriend, and I will always be lonely’ etc.

After school, I thought college would be better as I could finally rid myself of these toxic fellows, but I was dead wrong. In college, I was again subject to loneliness and mockery. After a few months, I eventually dropped out of college, as my grades also fell due to all this.

I remember whenever I would go to the market to get groceries or just take a stroll in general, I would always see groups of friends playing soccer together, couples holding hands or making out, and groups of stoners smoking weed, etc., All of which I never in my life experienced at that time.

It’s then that I realize the problem. The toxic element was me, lol. After taking a gap year, going through some therapy, and finally joining another college, I was able to change my life 180 degrees.

====Present scenario and the solution====

Fast forward to today: I am a final year student with good grades; I am quite social, I have had girls ask me out on dates, flirt with me etc. I have hung out with friends (the group I hang out with is more into playing cards than soccer). Have smoked up/partied with friends in clubs (I don’t recommend drugs or overdrinking btw).

The solution is simple. I call it the IIDF thinking method, which is are stages you should avoid.

I: Incompetence I: Insecurity D: Desperation F: Frustration

Firstly Incompetence: A lot of us including me are not very good at having conversation at a deeper level. I was like that and till some extent still am. However, this IS NOT THE PROBLEM STAGE. The problem comes at the next stage.

Insecurity: Say you are talking to a new group of people and are not really able to have a great conversation with people, you will soon begin to feel insecure about this.

Desperation: Once you start to feel insecure, you will become desperate to get into the centre of attention and at this point either you will try to be clingy, say weird stuff in order to be cool which sometimes can sound offensive to the others. These will slowly make you more and more distanced from the group as before you were seen as just a quite person and now you are seen as a complete weirdo.

Finally Frustration: At this point, you will feel frustrated at being ostracized. You will start hating on the group and eventually start hating yourself. This will make you say more weird/offensive stuff and the process will become a vicious cycle.

The trick is hence to pay close attention to your emotions and stop the process at the Insecurity stage itself. If you are the quite one in the group then that’s perfectly fine. No one will hate you for being a man of few words.

No one in school would have said those mean things to me if I was just a quiet person, heck I can remember many people who had amazing school life despite being introverts. Same in the first college I went to. Simply ACCEPT if you were not the center of attention in a social setting.

The more you talk to people the more you will feel comfortable in conversation. Don’t rush the process, if things are going south, accept and move on.

Thus my social skills journey so far. I still have a long way to go but I am happy as things are finally looking up for me.