Ugh. I hate that this day has come where I’m even writing this.
In my last year of grad school, I met this beautiful girl. I’m talking so beautiful; the most beautiful girl I’ve ever dated. 6’0, Lithuanian, introverted, incredible morals/values, never craves attention, cooks and cleans, only been in one relationship, an unbelievable body, extremely intelligent, rational, and just every trait I could possibly be attracted to. We talked+dated about 8 months, near enough to each other to see each other often.
Then, I moved to a new state to begin studies for my DMA. This turned us into a long distance relationship 10 hours away. Then, her dad got prostate cancer. She moved into the same city as him (turning us into 14 hours of distance apart), because he was divorced and had no one else. I supported her as best as I could. Then, her grandma suffered a stroke. So her schedule became overwhelming, as she was going to the hospital 2 times a day, commuting 4 hours every weekend to work in order to pay their bills, bravely juggling 2 lives on her shoulders. I am so amazed by her resilient work ethic and absolute selflessness to take care of her family. She is truly special.
After a couple of months, it started taking a toll on me that her busy life meant we could only text each other for less than an hour a day, and we would be extremely lucky to get a single phone call per week. She was so busy that sometimes, after 4 hours of me waiting for a response, she would send me one word and then be gone for another 4 hours. Often times she told me she would only be able to text me at night, and then she would knock out without texting me. I totally understand, as she was busy more than I can even begin to understand, but I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I was being put on the back burner. I truly tried everything I could to stop feeling that way, but nothing worked. I started getting more paranoid if we were growing apart, and our lack of communication grew into a huge source of relationship-anxiety for me. She was too busy to be able to think about these things.
After many attempts to communicate these issues, it was clear to both of us that these conditions just couldn’t change. And they wouldn’t be changing for years to come. Just like that, her life had changed so radically. And I really didn’t want my anxieties to put any pressure on her during these tough times. I eventually finally gave her a very respectful and understanding message that it would be best if we went our separate ways so that she can put all of her focus and energy on her situation without having to worry about keeping me satisfied.
We had our final phone call today for closure. She was so unbelievably understanding. Not an ounce of hatred from either one of us. She really is the most incredible, powerful girl in the world. I am truly going to miss my best friend. I can’t believe I even had the chance to experience someone like her.
We have cut off contact. She mentioned the possibility of us meeting way later down the road and that if it happens, then she would love to try again. God, me too.
How do I move on from someone that has given me no reason to not love her anymore? It feels wrong to even consider moving on. I still feel so loyal to her. This is by far the hardest breakup I’ve ever dealt with. This is a girl I never wanted to lose in a million years. Sigh. Advice is much appreciated.
TDLR: I let go the girl of my dreams due to life’s circumstances. How do I move on from a girl that I’ve never stopped loving?
1 comment
You can still be friends.