People will get offended by this. But why are there more rules and regulations about socializing if you’re not a ideal average male.

23 comments

1. Work to improve your self esteem and gain some confidence. No self respecting woman is going to want to have anything to do with this attitude. There are plenty of “not ideal average males” who have success in their love lives. Find out what those guys are doing and make some strides to be more likeable.

2. Men of all races and sizes have girlfriends (or wives). But you sound miserable, and that’s hard to be around.

   The good news is that you could fix this. Do you want to? Or are you so invested in thinking of yourself as a miserable person that you don’t want to?

3. You get to know her, dude.

   And there aren’t more rules… just better odds you get a petty reaction.

   Same rules apply.

   (For perspective, 6 foot 2 300 lbs, computer / gamer nerd with autism that works in IT whose married to a beautiful Jamaican woman.

   Im a 5.5 – 7.75 depending how I’m taking care of myself.

   So I’m not one of the beautiful people, either)

4. Are you approaching average looking, somewhat overweight women?

5. Warning, might be a little harsh.

   You’ve only been an adult for five years. So what if you’re not killing it yet. You’re about to have your masters degree. You’re into sports and trivia. You sound like a normal dude to me.

   When I was 23, I was a college dropout working in the kitchen at some chain restaurant. You are way more put together than I probably am even now.

   What the fuck is an “average male” anyway. Are you saying you’re ugly? Like how ugly? Because I’m no looker and I don’t have these problems. You know why? Confidence. It’s *one of* the most important thing a woman looks for in a man. You will have almost zero chance without it.

   I’ll tell you what I tell everyone. You can be confident now. Like, right now. Pretending to be confident and being confident are the same thing. Portray yourself as confident and others will think of you as confident. Fake it. It works. And the more you do it, the more you’ll build actual confidence.

   You’re going to get rejected. We’ve all been rejected. It sucks. Do it anyway. How the hell are you going to get good at this without failing at it first. It might be demoralizing, it might be embarrassing but it’s better than doing nothing and wondering why it’s not working.

   Now I’ve never used online dating but I just know I would have about as much success as you. None. Nobody’s looking at a picture of me and thinking “That’s the one”. I need to meet someone in person because my personality is what makes up for my big head.

   Speaking of…

   >This sub will ignore this because I’m useless.

   #

   Shit like this. Stop. This kind of talk is so off-putting and no one wants to be around it. I got news for you, we all feel useless every once in awhile. Save it for your therapist.

   Who the fuck says it’s sleazy to join a club to meet people. That’s quite literally what they are for. Yeah, don’t be a creep and don’t do it just to meet women. Do it to make new friends with common interests. Maybe they know someone. Or maybe you’ll just make new friends with common interests.

   Never let something you can’t control get to you. You cannot win. What the fuck are you going to do about being short? Nothing, so move past it. It’s like getting mad when it rains. It’s out of your control. The only people you’re going to turn off are shallow assholes who date based on height. No loss there. Look around, short dudes are dating.

   One last thing. When you do get that girl, you’re going to really want to fuck it up. You’ll have a person in your life for the first time and you have no idea what you’re doing. You just haven’t had experience fucking up relationships. I’ll help you skip that step by suggesting you keep your jealousy and insecurities (if they’re are any) contained to the therapists office. Don’t be clingy. Be cool man. Be cool.

   Hit me up when you land that date and I’ll tell you all the ways I’ve fucked up in the past so you can save yourself the trouble.

6. You have way too many limiting beliefs which is going to socially hold you back because for one, its going to prevent you from even putting yourself out there. “I shouldn’t talk to her because she is out of my league, I am not white, not fit, not tall enough, don’t have a good enough job, ect”. It sounds to me like you are too hyperfocused on women and you should just be focused on socializing in general. Like sure you can join clubs to meet girls but that really shouldn’t be your primary objective. You should join clubs because you are actually interested in what the club is about and you are interested in meeting *people*. Meeting girls is really just a natural by product of showing up to events or meetings

7. Are you actually interested in solving your problems or just venting?

8. Improve your social life and make sure it includes *at least* 40% women. Not just your career path (although that helps), but also grow intellectually. Pursue the things you’re interested in, but with a focus on the things that are more appealing to the type of woman you like, as well.

   Don’t obsess about being inexperienced with women. Stop obsessing about your obstacles. Don’t focus on other people. Don’t obsess about what you don’t have already, because that will only help to keep it away.

   It’s not great for average men to approach women in public either, so you can stop feeling bad about that.

   Do things with friends but also go out and do things solo at times, including traveling. Do it with an attitude that is not self-pitifully hunting for what you desire, but that is positively-oriented and free.

   This is an opportunity to develop your emotional intelligence, and it will serve you well if you do.

9. What you write is a reflection of how you think and in turn a reflection of how you act around people, you sound like a desperate guy with low self steem, not the kind of person people want to be around.

   Good to hear that you are doing therapy and working out but it takes time, you are not going to change yourself or your perception of yourself in a couple of months

10. there arent different rules. there are social conventions you dont understand and ignore. learn how to properly talk people and approach them appropriately and not scare or worry them

11. Your problem is our mindset towards urself. stop basing ur datable-ness on others.if u want to date and find someone u can.however if ur thinking down on urself like u r u will eat the fruits of ur thoughts.thw expression I think therefore I am.u think u can’t and therefore u can’t,u think urself not attractive therefore to u and others u aren’t.the way u treat and think about urself is the way others will treat and think about u.

12. Sounds like you need find some friends that will take you to a couple concerts and get super high and really feel that connection with people again. You’ll see everyone as much more similar to you than different. That’s what it took to get me out of my funk.

13. You’re not supposed to do anything. If you think life or other men is being unfair to you by being more attractive to than you, there’s literally nothing you can do about it. If there was something, you would have already done that instead seeking approval on Reddit.

    Swallowing the fact that life is unfair is being “adulting”.

14. are you blackpill? the things you’re saying kind of hints at that.

15. Here man, all you need to do is keep doing what your doing. You are 23 you are SUPER young. Keep working on yourself and be patient. A lot of girls want to date older men. I promise just keep it up working hard, not only will you attract women your age you’ll attract all the younger ones too! Best of luck homie!

16. If you really want a date youll need to keep working at it, maybe get on another dating app or tweak your profile. If u have any girls on your social media who might be single, try hitting them up.

    I think you can get a date if you keep trying. You might need to adjust your strategy a few times but don’t give up

17. I think you will find over time that women can value vastly different things in a man, and a LOT of women value non-physical characteristics much more highly than physical ones.

    The fact that you’re intelligent (and pursuing an advanced degree) will win you a lot of points with a ton of women… as long as you’re humble and unpretentious about it, and you don’t make them feel dumb. Also, don’t make it your entire identity.

    I have seen guys that I am sure most people wound consider VERY unattractive, date incredibly attractive women, on the strength of their personality and authenticity alone.

    Even if you were truly unattractive (which you probably aren’t): with a little mental work and some practice, you could easily be one of those guys.

    And you can do this right now.

    Take a little time to think about as many unique and/or interesting things about yourself as you can.

    Then practice expressing those things in as authentic a way as possible to the people you are around.

    Do that daily for a month. I bet your success with women will go up by a lot.

    Like a ton of the replies here, I will 100% agree that ‘confidence’ is incredibly important, and you can absolutely ‘act as if’ you are confident to actually build your confidence. It will work, over time.

    In addition to acting confidently, though…

    All women are different, but generally value these characteristics in partners:

    – Competence: (at something, it doesn’t really matter what). This includes expressions of raw knowledge, expertise, and the practical application of skills.

    – Strength (mental or physical)

    – Authenticity: Be yourself, completely.

    – TakIng responsibility for yourself, and for how you treat other people.

    All of these traits relate to each other, as well.

    Just try to express your most authentic-to-you version of as many of them as possible.

    If you are out of shape and unhealthy…

    Yeah. You do have to fix that. For yourself, if for no one else. It sounds like you are going to a gym, and thinking about your health, so that’s good.

    Going to the gym regularly (regardless of your starting point, physically) is crucial for your body and mind to work optimally, and will help a lot with your self-esteem and confidence.

    For losing fat, diet is a lot more important than gym time. If you are busy as a student, its probably harder to eat healthy for EVERY meal.

    However, if you focus on having the majority of your meals be healthy (even 51% 😂), throughout the week, you will naturally start to get healthier.

    If you drink alcohol; don’t drink as much.

    Maybe most importantly:

    I see in your replies that you are mainly focused on all of the things that you think are wrong with you.

    I understand feeling that way, but you truly have to work at not focusing on those things.

    Instead, focus on the things you like about yourself, what you are good at, and the challenges (big or small, and in any arena of life) that you have met and succeeded at.

    Instead of focusing on what is wrong/unfair/fucked up about any aspect of your life right now, try to focus instead on your goals (big and small, short and long-term), and how you will achieve them, in spite of any setbacks.

    Focus intently on exactly what you want, and with time and effort you will get it.

    This alone is one of the major secrets to living a good life.

    There is a quote I like, which is attributed to Aristotle:

    “If a man knows not where he goes, then no wind is favorable.”

    Know where you are going. Focus on your goals. Focus on what you can do now, to make your life better tomorrow.

    Your life won’t become perfect overnight, but if you follow the above suggestions you will get stronger, healthier, happier, and have more success in every area of your life.

18. Do you have any female friends or acquaintances? Relationships with women who you spend time with and like talking to who you aren’t interested in dating?

    A lot of the comments are focusing on how your negative attitude towards yourself is hurting you, but I think a larger problem is that you seem solely focused on having a girlfriend and being in a romantic/sexual relationship. It’s hard to convey what I mean by this to someone who isn’t a woman, but–this whole points reads like you solely see women as *women*, rather than as people. It’s fine to be solely focused on looking for a date/relationship on a dating app because that’s everyone’s goal, but you commented that you don’t like dating apps. When you’re trying to meet people in real life, men who are only interested in talking to women if the possibility of dating them is on the table are *really* off-putting and really obvious. Nobody wants to date someone who doesn’t really see them as a full person.

    Basically, this post comes off as if you’re much more focused on finding any woman who’s willing to fill what you perceive as a gaping hole in your life, rather than on meeting interesting people you like spending time with and seeing if you click as friends *or* as romantic partners. I’m willing to bet that’s at least part of the reason that you’re not meeting anyone.

19. Bruh I’m a white 6’4 skinny male and I’m treated like a crazy loser because I am one. Keep up the grind dude. People respect that. I dropped out of highschool, have no job, and am a 26 year old virgin addicted to drugs. So I am proof that what you do is more important than who you are to some degree. If you are healthy and have a good mentality with some opportunity the game is yours. Grind that shit out and laugh at sorry fucks like me when you get your chance.

20. Sounds like your talking specifically about dating. Do you have trouble socialising (platonic interacting) with guys?

21. Confidence. It really does make someone more attractive, and having positive energy. I’ve been attracted to guys that I’d never like on a dating app because I’ve got to know them through other situations – tall, short, thin, chubbier…Try to be confident and outgoing, be funny, make people laugh. It really does help. I’ve also met guys from dating apps who are ‘typically hot’ but no personality, dull and boring and that is a turn off. I know it’s easier said than done though.

22. The rules are the same, the people you are describing may have had an easier time learning them because of physical traits, because they come from a family background that valued teaching social skills to their kids, or because nobody told them rejection was supposed to be a difficult and terrifying experience so they had no idea to let that be a barrier.

    Social skills like all skills can be learned, and with creativity can be adapted to your needs somewhat. Think of it like a sport, like gymnastics. Some kids were naturally good and got trained from a young age. For them, doing a backflip is so natural they don’t think anything of it, they’re more concerned with much harder skills. In fact, a backflip in the world of gymnastics is considered so basic it is awarded the lowest possible points. To an adult trying to learn, a backflip is miles away and for many is the pinnacle of what they think they could acheive.

    With social skills (or maybe just dating) you are an adult beginner, you’re gonna take a bit longer to build yourself up to the level of somebody who got the training as a kid. But your long term goals aren’t unreasonable. You just need to set shorter term ones in line with a beginner.

23. Lad pull yourself together.

    Your online dating success should not be the sole cause of misery in your life.

    You need to re-assess what’s important to you and look how how you’ve been successful in other ways, I.e doctorate, I’m sure there’s other things your good at.

    Don’t define your life and success on the back of someone else’s opinion not to match with you, that my friend, is a recipe for disaster and will do your self confidence absolutely nothing, which will only further hamper your chances with women.

    TL;DR

    Focus on your achievements, the body count and dating success comes with confidence in yourself, so work on that and watch the magic happen.