I’ve never fought or argued with my new partner (of almost a year.) Is this a red or green flag?

17 comments

1. normal. i hardly have any argument with my wife until we have kid.

   i pretty much just do what she wants and we got together mid 30s. nowadays the argument is mostly about our child. she’s more careful and cautious when it comes to our child.

2. You’re defense mechanism is trying to find a reason for you run and hide because you are used to trauma in relationships ignore it and enjoy what an actual healthy and loving relationship is supposed to be

3. Arguments in of them selves are nor a red or green flag.

   Many couples have conflict… was the argument ending up ok? Or did yall yell and throw stuff at eachother? If yall were able to resolve the argument,that’s a good thing! If you don’t argue much, that’s also a good thing for usually.

4. The only time never disagreeing is a problem is if one (or both) of the partners are so conflict-avoidant that they essentially surrender without a fight – if you’re walking on eggshells to avoid conflict. That doesn’t sound like your situation.

   That being said … before you make a big hard-to-reverse commitment (moving in together, engagement, etc) it’s worth looking at the times you did disagree (and there must be some!) to see how you navigate it. You do want to know what happens when you disagree with someone before you move in with them.

   But for many healthy couples, disagreements, even very serious ones, never rise to the level of “fights.” They’re “serious discussions” more than they’re “arguments.”

5. I think that no disagreement in a relationship is a bad sign, because all humans disagree sometimes. Even something like you wanting Chinese and him wanting Indian. That said, I have been with my husband for five and a half years and while we disagree often, we almost never argue, and have never once insulted each other in anger.

6. I was happily married to my husband for 21 years and we hardly “fought”.

   We had different interests, he loved to go camping, I had never been camping, but I loved how he was jazzed about it. We went camping! Do I love camping? No, but he just loved it and I liked him being happy…with me…camping.

   I studied forensic psychology, which had me looking at crime photos. That, most definitely, was NOT his cup of tea. He got a part time job to have money to buy me an “encyclopedia of crime” (which was way~~~cool).

   Buying a sofa for the living room. He had an idea about the sofa he wanted. (He wanted a sofa where he and our two year old son could kick back, watch movies, cuddle and while away their time when wife and momma was working and taking evening classes.) He picked it out and I got to pick out the color.

   Give and take, Op. Give and take.

   You would be amazed, how giving and taking on “little stuff” makes the “big stuff” really easy!

   I wish you both the best, Op.

7. I’ve never had a fight with my partner and we have been living together for over 6 months now. The generalization of “no fight bad” is a terrible relationship trope that is false.

8. Not fighting is a green flag. Not disagreeing is a red flag. You tell the difference between whether this is a bad or a good sign by seeing whether you do have problems or disagreements come up. Every relationship will have some minor issues come up. If you simply talk through them and resolve them together, then that is a green flag. That is how a relationship is supposed to work. Problems and issues should not escalate into anything dramatic or bad. However, if nothing ever gets brought up to be worked through, then usually one or both of the people in the relationship is bottling things up, and eventually it will explode badly. It’s far, far worse to bottle up an issue and then get really angry at someone because it’s been a problem for so long and the person is so fed up with it, and the other person never even knew. Or if it doesn’t ever get brought up, one person just distances and gets bitter and the relationship slowly wilts in the lack of honest interactions.

9. Conflict doesn’t have to mean arguing. You can disagree respectfully.

   If you’re avoiding disagreement (accepting situations you definitely don’t want) that’s a problem.

   Enjoy the harmony of you’ve found someone you share simpatico with.

10. If you guys don’t “fight” or argue because when something bothers you you just bottle it up – that’s bad.

    If you guys just genuinely don’t argue about things – or are able to have normal conversations about disagreements without fighting – that’s great!

    My partner and I have been together 3 years and have had one “fight.” Because I grew up in an angry household and went through a string of toxic relationships, I make a point to talk about disagreements, not argue about them, and to take a step back if I’m getting angry.

11. My husband and I have been together for almost 3 years but we’ve never truly fought. We’ve done things that have hurt the other’s feelings unintentionally, but always communicated our feelings respectfully, lovingly, and empathetically, and always made up after, not ending the conversation until both felt satisfied and happy again. We share most of the same “important” opinions (boundaries, religion, politics, child-raising, philosophy, etc) and disagree or have different preferences on very unimportant things (what breakfast cereal is the best, what video game is better, what furniture style is better, etc). We’ve had plenty of disagreements on things, and we’ve always argued them civilly and never with harsh or cruel words, very empathetically and lovingly. And always come out happy in the end, usually with some compromise. Anytime we do have something come up that we need to talk through, if there’s a REAL problem, we also talk about what we need to do to prevent it from happening again.

    You can problem-solve, compromise, and communicate conflicting feelings without earth-shattering problems or arguments/fights. It’s a great sign of maturity and compatibility. Fights where you’re both mad or extremely hurt or yelling and saying horrible things is definitely not necessary to a healthy relationship, those things are typically frowned upon imo.

12. > I know arguments are important to solve conflict.

    No, no they are not. Communication is important to solve conflict.

13. Its fine, my bf and i started arguing at 2.5 years. Its normal

14. Apparently not fighting on stupid things is normal my last relationship was also very toxic constant fights unnecessary doubts and all that it was a 2 year long relationship but I got out of it, although the current person I am with they are very understanding towards always liten to me whenever we have a disagreement we come to any sort of disagreement we sort it out calmly by communicating and there is barely any fight coz mostly we want the same things, I mean yeah it has just been 8-9 months for me and I also thought wether she liked me or not coz we never fight but apparently it is normal.

15. I’ve rarely had any disagreements with the people I’ve dated and never really “fought” with any of them. The only exception was in my abusive and toxic first marriage.

    It’s very healthy to have some disagreements between each other but the most crucial part is that you should feel comfortable expressing them (for example my wife wanted a particular painting in our bedroom and I didn’t like it at all). But those disagreements should be respectful and constructive and kind.

    And generally yes they probably would be rare. Me and my wife agree on the vast majority of things so disagreements are quite rare. That’s partially why I married her specifically instead of some other nice cute person, because we had so much in common and agreed on most things!

    So your relationship sounds great!

16. My advice when you start getting freaked out that a relationship is going too well? Don’t dwell on it. I tried to throw away a functionally perfect man over and over again because, at first I didn’t believe it was possible that a human being could be so preternaturally competent, even-handed, hard working, determined, and kind so there had to be some huge catch. When I finally realized that he actually just IS that good I got freaked out that he deserved way better and tried to dump him.

    After he talked me down I realized that I needed to give less energy to those type of thoughts. It is good to be cautious, it is good to be realistic, but don’t go acting on how things “should” go rather than how they are actually going. You’ll have your first disagreement eventually, no need to worry about it not happening “on schedule.” As long as you align on all the big things (life goals, life philosophy, lifestyle) there is no need to “sweat the small stuff.”

    It’s extremely rare, but you may never end up arguing. As long as your significant other isn’t compromising their needs in order to be agreeable to yours, not fighting at all is a great thing.

17. I mean as long as you guys are happy and communicating that’s a good thing. When you go from unhealthy relationships to a healthy one it’s jarring and you almost feel like something’s going to come unraveled. Enjoy it! You deserve to be happy.