Okay so the title says it all, but basically we were all part of the same friend group for 2-3 years. He is 27M, she and I are 24F. I’ve known her much longer than him though. They started dating. Everything seems pretty normal except maybe they seem a little too platonic for a romantic relationship, but maybe they just act this way in front of friends/public. Also, it’s possible that my eye is a biased/skewed since I was used to seeing them as friends beforehand.
ANYWAYS, he and I usually coordinate/brainstorm ideas for gifts, and it’s not weird at all. BUT for Valentine’s Day, he asked me to help him pick out lingerie for her. She’s my best friend, and I’ve known her for so long that it felt like choosing something for my sister (not ideal, but not completely weird either). It’s not like she’s my mom…..but this felt a little weird. I sent him a few options and didn’t really say much other than “Here you go!” because what else is there to say…..? It’s none of my business.
Am I overthinking this? Am I being weird about this? What would you have said? Would you have told your best friend that her boyfriend asked for help picking out lingerie? Do you think he was being weird with me?
Also, I still don’t know if he actually purchased the lingerie for her or if she liked it. He just said something like “Wow that’s hot” and I never responded.
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TL;DR: BBF’s bf asked for my help picking out lingerie for her. Is that weird?
19 comments
You need to put your ages in the title and post. It’s one thing to ask you her size and maybe even get suggestions on her style/taste, but asking you to send him specific lingerie is a bit out of line. It’s crossing a couple of lines- first like you said you see her as a sister, and second, it’s a bit inappropriate to be looking at sexy lingerie with your gf’s friend- his response of ‘wow that’s hot’ to you is also kind of gross.
Yeah it’s weird. You handled it perfectly though. Assuming he hasn’t done anything else to make you uncomfortable, I’d say just forget about it.
If he took you to the store and had you try it on, it would be weird. You said you already coordinate gift ideas, maybe he just wanted your opinion. It can be intimidating for guys to buy women clothes.
Definitely weird. I think you handled it well though. Personally I might have just said “I’m not comfortable with that dude” but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you did.
I would keep a bit of an eye on this though. I don’t think this is a normal request at all and I think he may be flirting with you. His response to you in particular definitely crosses some lines I think, unless talking about sex is a normal part of your relationship with them.
EDIT: Also, this is just my personal opinion, but he’s not really buying her lingerie. He’s buying it for himself. I don’t mean he’s going to wear it, but he’s buying it so that he can enjoy when she wears it. To me that’s not really a gift for her.
So what has happened in the six months since he asked for your help?
I get it. I’d ask a girl friend of mine for help with something like that because I don’t know anything about lingerie. But my friends and I are pretty comfortable with each other. We talk about kinks and our sex lives and that sort if thing all the time. If you aren’t comfortable with that, however, you’ve got to let him know. If he doesn’t know that he crossed a line it’s possible he’ll continue to cross that line.
I don’t think it’s that weird. I’ve asked the women I know for tips on buying clothing for partners from time to time. I do not have the best fashion sense, and some of my ideas for good are usually way off. Also it’s better than asking the people at the store. You know her they don’t. Weird would have been him asking you to try stuff on. Asking for ideas not weird at all. Also the fact that you have no idea what the outcome was, months later probably means it really was just for advice.
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His response of “wow that’s hot” is inappropriate and weird.
I don’t think it’s THAT weird to ask for suggestions on lingerie thats her style etc personally, but the way you describe the overall encounter…. If it was my friend, I would ask her later on what he got her for V day, then casually mention that he asked me for advice picking out lingerie. That way you give her a heads up without spoiling a surprise gift or anything.
It’s been an awfully long time since then and you’re worrying about it now still? It could simply be that he is a little clueless regarding lingerie, it can be intimidating for a guy to navigate. From what you have said, I wouldn’t consider it weird, but it seems like you are leaving a lot unsaid since it’s been half a year.
Sounds perfectly normal to me, a number of male friends have asked me for similar advice.
It may be a stereotype that men are useless at choosing lingerie, but there’s a lot of truth in it, as left to their own devices many men will pick out items that appeal to them visually, but which are actually quite horrible to wear, e.g. scratchy synthetics that look appealing, and a lot of men know this.
The obvious answer is to ask someone with experience of buying and wearing these items. Not only that, but sizing is an absolute minefield, gift-wise. Far easier to get advice from a female friend who will be far better placed to check out labels.
Was the question more like, “what are some good brands/options/styles to consider” or “can you pick out the exact items she’d like”?
Are you serious this was back in fucking February 😂
I don’t think it’s that weird. Guys, in general, know nothing about women’s underwear. You have an advantage in that you both know his GF well and probably have an idea of things she would at least not hate AND you’re also a woman. That’s a double expert.
Now… it would wander into weird territory if his questions got personal. “what sort of lingerie do YOU own?” “Would you wear something like this?” or stuff like that.
The closest this dances into that territory is the “wow that’s hot” line but you didn’t engage further and it doesn’t look like he’s intentionally trying to get more of a response from you.
I think you CAN be honest with him, though. “hey, it turns out it kinda weirds me out to be your sounding board on gifts of a sexual nature. Next time around, leave me out of it. But no harm no foul on this one. We both didn’t know.” should solve your issues without starting a potential World War III.
you should have only provided sizes.
I don’t think it’s weird, he just trusts you as a friend to give him a good suggestion because you would probably have a better idea of her sense of fashion maybe? I would just recommend brands/ colours and things you know she likes to steer him in the right direction, that way you’re not picking out the specific items for her.
This particular thing can be a landmine. Don’t do it.
i think there def should be boundaries but also if my guy friend asked me to pick out lingerie for his gf i wouldn’t feel weird but that’s just cause of that bond we have so it’s def a weird line because you guys grew up together. but also you know your bsf better then ever so it could’ve been he just wanted help because he didn’t know what she would feel comfortable in so it could be a not knowing boundaries but it also could’ve been he didn’t know what she would’ve felt the most beautiful in
It’s been a while now and I know you addressed that they’re currently having relationship issues, but it seems that you’re overthinking it.