(https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/wab33s/is_dating_worth_losing_a_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I linked the original post above. Short answer is NO, not worth it. At least for me it was not. A lot of commenters on the original post were correct! He just wanted sex. I went on an official date with this man and we had an incredible time. There was so much chemistry and everything felt easy and right. We kissed and held hands all night. We talked about the past and he brought up cute memories from when we dated before. I felt calm and happy with him. We kept it light and fun so we didn’t discuss anything too serious. During the date he talked about how important it is for him to find love. I started to think this could actually turn into something real. The night went so well that I invited him back to my place. We had a lot of fun and overall the night was great. Except He didn’t text the next day or the following day. He Didn’t ask how I was or how I felt about us being intimate. I swallowed my pride and text him. He took longer than usual to reply and I felt instant regret for texting him. (He was in the process of moving apartments that week so I kept that in mind when he didn’t text me and when he took long to reply.) I tried hard to not take this personal but it was. The conversation was pretty short and ended when I asked him if he was currently pursuing or dating any other woman. I realize we should have talked about this before sleeping together but we didn’t. He left my question on delivered and I assumed he went to bed since it was late. The next morning I expected an explanation from him for leaving me on delivered but he never text me at all. Around 6pm I asked if everything was ok and again, my text was left on delivered. I didn’t text him again and I don’t plan on speaking to him again. I don’t understand how a 40 year old man can be so immature. To Invest so much time, effort, and money on me just to sleep with me once and then ghost? Unbelievable. I can’t wrap my head around a grown man faking so much Interest and chemistry just for sex. Im disappointed in myself but another lesson learned.
13 comments
I’m sorry he ended up being a class a dick.
But you didn’t lose a friend.. He never was one. Hold your held up high, move forward and live wildly
As a guy, it’s weird to me too. It’s upsetting that there are people who are this selfish and have no mind about other peoples feelings or emotions
I’m sorry. But at least you learned he’s this kind of person. Just sucks that it had to happen like this
I don’t see a friend here. This man is an opportunist and a predator. He saw you thriving and living your best of life and just wanted a piece of this without having the guts to commit. You don’t want to be friends with 40 year olds who treat women this way anyways: our friends reflect ourselves, are you this person OP?
My suggestion after all these years of my “wrong” decisions and heartbreaks is to block him until YOU are ready to talk to him. Be your own closure!
I’m so sorry this happened to you, how can someone be 40 and acting like a teenager. He should of been upfront about what he was looking for.
Don’t be disappointed in yourself this is 100% on him and why he felt the need to tell you he was a looking for love and then not message after the date regardless if you slept together or not shows he’s not a good friend or person!
My hopeless romantic optimist mind thinks maybe his feelings are much bigger and stronger than he anticipated them being and he’s taking some time to sort his head. Let the dust settle and see if he doesn’t come around with his tail between his legs in a few days.
If you’re actually friends, dating won’t kill the friendship. If the friendship ends, you weren’t really friends.
Definitely never your friend. Imagine being 40 years old and not being able to even have an honest conversation with people you sleep with.
Wow. This story scares me. Sorry this happened to you.
I hope there’s some twist to this, something to explain and redeem and make it more right… but it doesn’t look good. Like, fucking hell, I am so sorry. But all of this, it’s on *him*, yes? Everything felt right, and you choose to trust – and you *have* to do that, take that risk of trusting people, if you ever want to succeed, right? You’ve done *nothing* wrong here.
And bastards like this, the pool-shitters of the world, just spoils it for all the rest of us – making it so much harder to trust, while gradually eroding our hopes.
You deserve better. And, as others have said, he was never a friend.
I’m not really sure why he’s not responding, there could be a reason but that seems weird.
This is one reason why I personally do not maintain friendships with exes though. I think it’s disrespectful to new people I date, and in the worst case scenario one person gains feelings and the relationship runs into the same problems as before. On that note however, I would definitely not view this as a tactical error on your part where you “lost a friend” since he was clearly interested in fucking this whole time.
Two cents: he didn’t fake the interest or chemistry. You’re interesting and worthwhile. He faked the intent. I’m sorry he did that to you.
This is sooo low, what a total loser. Just please, ghost him if he ever decides to text you. Even if he apologizes. Too little too late. Take care OP❤️
> I tried hard to not take this personal but it was. The conversation was pretty short and ended when I asked him if he was currently pursuing or dating any other woman. I realize we should have talked about this before sleeping together but we didn’t. He left my question on delivered and I assumed he went to bed since it was late. The next morning I expected an explanation from him for leaving me on delivered but he never text me at all. Around 6pm I asked if everything was ok and again, my text was left on delivered. I didn’t text him again and I don’t plan on speaking to him again. I don’t understand how a 40 year old man can be so immature. To Invest so much time, effort, and money on me just to sleep with me once and then ghost?
He didn’t ghost you.
It’s been what? Two days?
You’ve already decided to torch your friendship because you think he’s an asshole.
That’s what your dumb fucking brain got up to in 48 hours.
Imagine what his brain has gotten up to.
Have you seriously never been afraid to text someone back? Have you never had second, third, and hundredth thoughts?
He’s thinking. And your texts are resetting his thinking timer every time you send them.
Give him some space. You have put so much thought into this that you made a reddit post about it. You have it all planned out. Every scenario and contingency. He might be in the “I like her so much and I find her sexually attractive. Should I?” camp. That’s a very different camp to be in.
Just relax.