How to I ask if the person I just started a relationship with is asexual?

4 comments

1. If they are with you then you already know their sexuality

2. This registers with me and I’ll explain why

   I’ve learned that I get wayyyy to comfortable and casual about talking about sex, or just being overly sexual all the time. To the point where I identified that it was a problem. I’ll never be the first one to bring up sex with someone I’m interested in, out of fear of scaring them away thinking “all this guy cares about is sex.”

   Maybe this person is the same way

3. How can you start a relationship without having fucked?

4. Oh boy… that could go badly. If they’re just taking it slow and you say something that comes out like “So, you seem like you might be asexual?”

   At the same time, maybe they are asexual, or ‘demisexual,’ or just want to take it slow, or are being careful to take it slow even if they sort of wish they weren’t, or maybe they’re wondering when you’re going to make a move. Hm…

   Personally my vote is that you very slowly dial up the heat. When you guys are being physical at all, make it more intense, but very slowly so that they have a chance to turn the heat down if they prefer. Also, not always physical, be more intensely present at times.

   But you could also aim more in the middle of that spectrum above when you ask where they’re at… maybe… “So, are you more oriented to taking things slowly when it comes to sex, or…?”