I don’t know what to do I mean he’s a great guy and he treats me really well but I don’t think we are compatible in the sense of having fun.
I’m a really spontaneous person. Not glorifying my past but I’m a recovering addict so I’ve seen and done some crazy shit and I still like to do some of that sober sometimes. Literally not even that much just SOMETHING that gets my heart racing.
We are only like 2 months in and all we do when he comes over is watch shit on Netflix. We go on hikes and walks every once and a while but he is so anxious about doing anything new all the time it is starting to make me question the relationship. He really only works and goes to the gym and gets drunk with his college buddies every once and a while, he’s been under the influence around me and it doesn’t bother me at all because he’s way more fun then. He’s told me he wishes he could be that way sober really badly but anxiety holds him back. He’s even told me before (without me ever bringing it up) “you’re so much more exciting than me” or “I’m scared I’m going to bore you” but he never does anything about it. He says he’s been wanting to become more spontaneous for a long time before he met me but he isn’t even trying.
I still get butterflies when I see him and the sexual attraction is fine we get a long really well and have a really good connection when around eachother but when it comes to actually going out and doing things spontaneous/adventurous he just doesn’t respond. He told me he is scared that his life will be boring and that he wants me to help him loosen up but he isn’t even trying.
Like he’s been wanting to get his ears pierced for a while and one day we had been doing absolutely NOTHING all day and I’m like “hey let’s just go get your ears pierced!” And he’s like “no not now”. But like what else would we do? We had no plans and he said he wants to do it sometime.
The fact that I don’t have that partner in crime like I’ve always wanted but I have everything else I want in a relationship makes me feel like maybe I need to get over this and appreciate how good he treats me but I’m so bored and only 2 months in. I really like him but should I just end it?
I comfort him when he gets anxious and I don’t get mad I would never make him feel bad for it but I can’t change the way I feel.
My outlook on life is “you never know when you’re going to die so live every day to it’s fullest” and he just seems like he’s never going to be that way even though he says he wants to.
I don’t want to just ignore this situation and make it unfair for him so sometimes I just feel like I should end it so I’m not eating his time he could spend finding someone who isn’t bothered by this. I don’t want to be a dick
Td;lr : my boyfriend and I have different views on living life spontaneously and I don’t know if I should end it
2 comments
It seems like the main issue is his anxiety. Anxious people don’t like to get out of their comfort zone because new and unknown things make them… anxious. So if he’s doing anything about his anxiety, like meds and therapy and so on, things might change. But if he’s not doing anything at all except being anxious, I think you’re just wasting your time, unfortunately.
He’s only going to change if he can push through the anxiety regardless and start doing the things you’ve been talking about. But if he’s not even bothered enough to do that, you certainly can’t do it for him.
Have you tried leading him? Like, said im doin X, you coming or staying home?