I(28f)need some advice. Now I will preface this by saying, I have ROCD. If you don’t know what this is, it’s OCD but specifically in relation to relationships, typically romantic ones.
I was diagnosed last year & it was rough but with lots of therapy & help I was able to work through it. In fact, my therapist has even requested in our last session that we start seeing each other once a month instead of once a week since I have approved so much! & I’m regulating in a “normal zone” when it comes to ROCD! I’m super happy with this progress & it just recently happened!
That being said something happened today with my husband(31m) & I think it may cause me to spiral & overthink. We’ve been together for 7 years. Married for 1.
We were having a great day! & when we returned home, I told him I wanted to take pictures since I felt cute. & he was excited too as he always takes my pictures. We went outside & I was already a bit annoyed due to how hot it was so I told him “hey just take the picture, I don’t need all the extra stuff” & he said “okay, no problem babe”. So he was taking pictures & then stopped to adjust something & I said “what are you doing?” & he said “oh just changing a filter for you” & I told him “ I don’t need a filter, it’s too hot, just hand me my phone” & he replied with “no, go back let me get more pictures”. At this point I’m reaching for my phone & he’s like “no, just let me get a few more” & while I’m reaching for the phone & he’s saying this, he takes 2 fingers not purposely almost involuntarily & kinda pushes at my shoulder. It didn’t hurt or anything it just trigger the hell out of me. & when that happened, “I said give me back my phone, what the hell is wrong with you. Don’t touch me like that” & he immediately gave me the phone back. & we went back into the house & if I’m being honest right after it happened I wasn’t really too upset, I just wanted my phone back. But once we got in the house, he was visibly sad. & I asked him what was wrong & he said “I just feel bad, because I know something like that would’ve sent you into a spiral last year” & he’s right. One of my main fears is possibly being abused in my marriage so he’s right, this incident would’ve caused me to spiral. & unfortunately I’m big on what other people think of me so I started thinking “what if someone saw me & they think I’m in a abusive relationship?”
But because of this, now im starting to overthink. Like did he do it on purpose? Did he do it because he was mad in the moment with I’ll intent? My mind is racing
Any advice?
Tl;dr: situation happened with husband, & I’m spiraling a bit.
3 comments
Continue therapy, it can never hurt. Other than that, your condition is a bit too complex for anyone here to help you with.
Aside from that, my only advice is to be vigilant about other odd behaviors he might present. It could be a symptom of a deeper issue. Or, it could be nothing at all. But no one will know unless there are further episodes. Keep living your day to day life, don’t change anything or obsess. Just keep an eye out.
To be honest, I think this was an “excited puppy” problem.
You were having a good day. You wanted a couple pictures. He was having a good day. He wanted to help you by taking pictures. The “excited puppy” part is when he got into taking pictures and was looking for the “perfect” image to capture the day. So, he took a few pictures, but those weren’t quite right. Then he thought about adding a filter and taking a few more. He was lost in the moment of taking the perfect picture like an excited puppy gets lost in activity and play.
One way out of this is to change the rules of the engagement. For example, what if, instead of demanding your phone back, you’d said “Well, it’s too hot to keep standing out here so I’m going inside. Bring my phone in when you’re done.” and actually went inside? It would probably help him realize he’s gone overboard in the moment without having to get harsh about it.
And afterwards, I think his recognizing that it would have sent you spiraling last year is a good thing. Not good that he acted that way, but good that he recognized his behavior was problematic too. He was sad because he knows he went too far and he needs to learn to be better.
In the end, scratch the puppy behind the ears, tell him you love him, and have a nice cuddle before bed. Tomorrow is another day… 🙂
As I tell you every week when you post about all of your relationship problems because you are bat shit crazy:
LEAVE THIS MAN SO HE CAN BE HAPPY. You need way more therapy and should not date anyone. You are the worst.