What’s the proper way of telling your spouse you want to try new things in the bedroom? Also, what would you suggest trying?

10 comments

1. I just bought my wife a toy. She loves it.

2. I appreciate your question. I’d really like to spice things up too but I find it so difficult to talk about these kind of things. I guess that’s pretty common.

   Maybe the first step is saying just that— Telling them you want to try new things but you’re not sure where to begin. If they’re on board with the idea maybe the process itself of figuring out together possible things to do could bring greater intimacy to the marriage.

   Edited for typos

3. When you two have alone time just say “Hey can we talk about he relationship for a moment?” She will reply sure or give me a minute. Then say something like “Our sex life is good but I am wanting to explore more or try new things, what do you feel about that?” She responses ….. And then you two talk about what it is you are wanting to explore or try and maybe show examples or whatever it is. Just try to make sure the conversation doesn’t turn into a blame game or a pain game. Just put your feelings out there and if she rejects you then you tell her how that rejection feels.

4. Some women (and men) may take it as criticism when even talking about it and clam up.

   I suggest you just take it upon yourself to order some cool couples toys.

   I mentioned sex toys after 2 decades of marriage and my pretty conservative wife was super negative.

   So, I just started buying them on a semi regular basis with focus on HER pleasure.

   Had to kind of ease her into it (religious upbringing you know).

   I’d briefly flash the toy daytime and then throw it in my night stand.

   It was a little hit and miss in the beginning but she caught on.

   After a while she’d actually say something like “why don’t we try that new toy tonight”?

   10 years later (yes, we’ve been married 30 years) she’s got several favorites. I swear, she’ll want to be buried with at least three of them (plus her damn iphone) 😉

5. I just buy new things like toys, sex wedge, different lubricant (silicone is awesome!) and present them. I just say “I thought [this] would be fun to try”. Get stuff for you, get stuff for her, and stuff for couples. See what gets her attention and make sure you get all the time you need (if you have kids) and set the mood (women have more fun and can spice it up with just the right atmosphere and foreplay). Candles, compliments, whatever

6. >The only problem is I don’t know how to bring it up,

   Op to wife: Hey babe are you open for us trying to spice things up in the bedroom? If so, what are you willing to try? If she says idk then you should ask what’s her sexual interests are / fantasies.

   This is a conversation starter.

7. The best way to have the conversation is 100% right after really great sex. Sweaty, naked, lights out. Overindulge the shit out of all her naked bits. Like quadruple your usual foreplay. Make her beg.

   This is when you say:
   “babe, that was hot as shit”.
   “It makes me really want to play more together”
   “What do you like most”
   “It would be really hot to try—-. Would you be into it with me”?

8. This is so hard. I did the come out and say it, I asked to try pegging. She tried after some hesitation and after said she did not mind it, not her fav but would do it again. I did not ask again for two years and was met with a hard no and now she resents me for it. I wish she was honest in the first place about how she felt instead of letting these feelings and though brew for years without opening up. It has driven a huge wedge in our relationship because when I tell her it’s fine and I don’t need it she does not believe me and blames me for making her feel insecure or inadequate. Communication, honesty, communication and more communication is the only advice I can offer.

9. Check out omgyes.com. Our sex life was good but quite routine or vanilla. My wife never seemed to be able to tell me what she wanted. Without telling her I started carefully going through omgyes.com and incorporating what I was learning.

   She began experiencing whole new sensations and types of orgasms she hadn’t had before. This really helped her open up and become more comfortable discussing sex as well. I only recently showed her the website and told her what I had done. Now we’re going through it together.

   Some things she was open to faster than others, but I have to say that a turning point was when she let me finger her. She never said no to it, but gently moved my had away each time I tried. This is what we’d call a ‘soft no’ in our relationship. More of a ‘not now’ than a ‘not ever’. A ‘not ever’ she would vocalize.

   I let weeks pass between attempts and eventually she let me do it. Using what I learned from that website I brought her to a massive squirting orgasm. That was that. She suddenly opened up, becoming more communicative, adventurous and willing to try a lot more stuff.

   We now have an entire foreplay arsenal at our disposal and the new openness has us trying all sorts of new things. Things we never would have done before. Like sex in a parking lot (in the car) and at the drive-in.

   I requested her panties while it at dinner (semi private booth) and she handed them to me over the table. Then she lowered her phone & sent me photo proof they were in fact the ones she’d been wearing. I had bought a Lovense Lush 3 and handed it to her asking her to go to the restroom and come back with it in place. I then controlled it as we ate. One of her favorite toys now and we’ve used it other places. Rollerskating rink is one of my favorites.

   Anyway, the point is, use omgyes.com to expand your repertoire and it can open lots of possibilities.

10. There are some apps/websites that have quizzes for couples to learn about each other’s preferences.