I went to a concert alone tonight and it helped me figure out what I am looking for. Some to enjoy experiencing life with. Who else has had this eureka moment and what was it?

19 comments

  1. Yeah, when I understood that I want relationships because of enjoyment, I started to feel a lot better about meeting people and dating. You’ll want to align your relationships and your personal core values.

  2. Congrats. Now you know what you want .. have the conviction to out and get it. Do not settle for less.
    I bet you wished you had discovered that along time ago.

  3. Yeah I figured out last year what I want and need out of a relationship. And I thought that once I had cracked the code, he would magically appear. Sigh. Still waiting. But, I have a clear vision. I didn’t have that before.

  4. Same here. I’d love to go visiting different places but I find that it’s far more enjoyable to do it with other people. Otherwise I go and look around and think “well that’s cool…done…next one…that’s cool…done”

    When I go to gigs on my own I watch the band and that’s it. When I go with friends we have a laugh before during and after and it makes it much more fun. I’ve had more enjoyable times when the actual band wasn’t that good but I was with good people than when the band have been amazing and I’ve been on my own

  5. This past week, I was grappling with myself and whether I should force myself into something that doesn’t appeal to me just for the sake of having a relationship (even temporarily). I had this eureka moment last night just lying in bed, after forcing myself to close the dating apps and focus on something less stressful. It was like coming up for air, and instantly calming.

  6. The first woman I dated since my wife died, my eureka moment was when she started making demands that I give up things that are important to me and I ended it. I realized I had no desire for commitment. I still get to enjoy experiences with people I care about.

  7. When this one ex and I were together, he was a huge fan of a particular artist and always wanted to owe a particular piece by him, which was released a few years ago and this artist does not do reproductions usually. I reached out to the artist, explained the situation and asked if he would consider a re-print; to my surprise, he agreed, but mentioned this may take time because of it was during the high of Covid so everything was being delayed.

    Some time after the break up, I had emailed the artist to request a refund because by then it had been several months, the artist was understanding and refunded me. Then a few months later, my ex and I reconnected, and he had invited me to see his new house. The moment I walked in, I saw the print hanging on his wall. Confused because he is very frugal and no way he’d drop the kind of money (it was very expensive) on this. I asked, he said it just showed up at his house one day… Then it hit me, the artist may have refunded me but he probably forgot to tell his production team, so they still had the order and shipped when it was printedx

    When I got home that evening, I reached out to the artist and we confirmed what I had thought: he indeed forgot to relay the cancellation to his team so they sent a print to my ex anyways per original order. I offered to pay for the print because it’s not right to get a free piece of art work. Then the artist told me this was shipped in March.. and my ex and I had been talking since Feb, but if it weren’t for the fact he invited me to his house in July, he was just never going to mention it. The artist confirmed my ex has never reached out to him to find out who may have done this for him (even subtly hinted that my ex wasn’t worth me doing this for).

    He kept the item and never bothered to find out where or who it was from. Either he knew it was me but didn’t care to say thank you even though we were talking everyday by then; or he didn’t even care to find out period.

    It was then I realized I want someone who appreciates me for things I do for him (also, someone honest, and not just keep things without finding out if it belongs to them).

  8. Had a very bad breakup, the love of my life (at least what I thought) dumped me in a very embarrassing way and he just walked away. After that I thought I was gonna be fine, you know breakups happen and you eventually move on. It took me months to open up, get help and start doing better. In one of those days, one of those rarest days where I didn’t think about him much or didn’t try to go to our usual spots to find him, I realized that I want a relationship with certain values instead of trying to find out what that a**hole is up to. I guess that can be considered as my “eureka” moment. Now I have a clearer picture on what I want, just need to learn how to open up to people again.

  9. They are not really eureka moments they just come in slow waves? For example, I love being nature (hikes, birdwatching, and gardening) and when I do these activities I think to myself I would love to share this time with a future partner. Sometimes when I go on dates and it does not work I realize – nope this is not a quality/qualities I want in a partner.

  10. I’m still figuring that part out. When I think I know what it is life does a 360 and just humbled me once again lol

  11. At the beginning of my divorce, I was talking to a friend of mine about some stuff she was dealing with at work with her employees and how she was handling it, and the way she described her approach was exactly the way I would, and the way I would *hope* someone would–but from what I’ve seen, she’s handling this stuff better than I ever did. (Not that I’m bad, but she’s been pretty amazing with it all!) It’s been a long, long time since I felt that much admiration for someone. If ever. I was surprised how powerful that feeling was!

    Things are probably not going to work out between me and my friend, who is ambiguously interested and ambiguously unavailable, and I doubt I’m going to find someone whose personal philosophy is *that* close of a match. It was definitely eye-opening, though, and I’ve been recalibrating my approach around my newfound realization that a sense of admiration is way more important to me than I’d previously thought.

  12. I feel the exact same way, although I feel like it’s extremely frowned upon? Seeking someone to experience your life with is seen as you being desperate to live your life around someone, but I disagree with that. I think it’s totally normal. I guess I’ve had the same eureka moment about the same thing but in various moments of my life. At concerts, traveling, wherever. I keep thinking to myself like wow I want to experience this with someone else. I want to share this with someone else.

  13. Relationship goals

    Me: “Isn’t <noun x> <verb y>?”

    My SO: “Yea, <noun x> is really < verb y>!”

    Me: “I know, right!”

    # HighFive

  14. I was facetiming with a long-time friend yesterday. She had asked about a distant-past relationship of mine (back just after our college years), and I was explaining how it ended, and she said, “You mean he couldn’t tell that you were upset?” and… HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THAT WAS A THING THAT WAS MISSING? That being able to notice my emotional state and approach me about it is an important thing??? She literally had to spell it out for me, almost 10 years later. I’m still processing this…

  15. I was with a FWB when I had a medical emergency. He took better care of me than my ex had in similar situations. The fact that someone who didn’t love me could give more of a shit than someone who claimed to, rather blew my mind. Totally changed my standards/expectations for a partner.

  16. Effortless enjoyment of each other and our time together. Bonus points if she likes Star Trek.

  17. Every time I have to call the electrician to fix my light, I have this moment where I always think how nice it would be nice to have someone to share these responsibilities with. I don’t have a problem doing it, but it’s nice to have someone and share life with.

  18. I don’t think I know and I’m not sure how I’m supposed to find out. It doesn’t seem like women my age have any patience for it.

  19. Not to harsh your buzz…”someone to enjoy life with” is both vague and kind of…not a revelation?

    When have you ever thought that you would want to end up with somebody that you wouldn’t enjoy life with

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