Recently turned 30. I’m a long-time (nearly 10 years) trans woman, but when it comes to sexual preferences I’m basically the same as a cis guy. Non-op, preferring to dom/top, bisexual but mostly preferring women. So effectively pretend I’m just a guy. (I’ll conveniently ignore the dating troubles that comes with in this post)
But I feel like a virgin. I’ve had one other relationship which was with another trans woman, and she didn’t feel comfortable doing anything besides oral, so I felt dissatisfied. I don’t know whether I can specifically call myself a virgin, but in terms of things I want to do, it feels that way.
I don’t know how to fix that though. I’m not particularly looking for relationships. Having a gf (or a bf who checks off every box) sounds nice sometimes, but I don’t think I can handle commitment at this point in my life. So something like a friend with benefits sounds ideal, but that’s also something people don’t really advise. Also, my standards are difficult to find matches with; must be able to speak the same languages I’ve studied, share at last a few of the same hobbies I spend most of my life on, etc – which means it’s rare I pursue people in the first place. But I don’t want to compromise that much, since I’m a content creator who spend most of my non-day job hours on these languages/hobbies. I could find people who do the same thing but it feels kind of lonely. Most others are really busy themselves.
It isn’t even a matter of personal appearance, probably, because I do get likes on dating apps and I have had people that I have no interest in approach me before.
I just feel like I’m probably going to die sexually unsatisfied at this rate and waste my life. It would definitely be my fault, but I’m asking for advice here because… I don’t know really what I should do. Rather, of all the things that I should probably do, which would be the best option? Try to find an explicitly short-term relationship? Try to find friends with benefits even though my lack of sexual experience (and what usually goes wrong with FWBs) is a turn-off? To what degree should I compromise on my hobbies for friends/dates?
I almost wish I wasn’t a naturally horny person and one that is jealous of people getting action, because otherwise I’d just cope with masturbation for the rest of my life. Sigh.
Sorry for the long post.
1 comment
Sounds like you’ve got lots of stuff going on and moving parts to your dynamic but maybe just simplify. Whats most important, if it’s getting some sexual action, you may need to let up on the requirements. If you don’t wish to alter your standards that’s awesome too but comes with a willingness to hope you find the mix of interests you seek.