We live in different cities and he has a colleague who shares an office. They’ve been working together for some months and they go drinking together a few times a week alone. I met her she was cold to me and she never asks about me. She was definitely flirty with him, even in front of me. (Giggle laughing, holding eye contact, saying ‘cutesy things’) he kept trying to direct the conversation to me and admitted after that she wasn’t being very inclusive. He said she’s shy.
He once said “don’t worry I mentioned you and she said ‘who is [my name] again?”. As if that should make me feel better- his interpretation was that she doesn’t care about us so she isn’t thinking about it. Mine is that she wishes I didn’t exist haha…
We recently vacationed for a week and he mentioned that he tried to tell her about it and she was disinterested and changed the topic.
He doesn’t know many people in his city and she is his only real friend so I absolutely don’t want to put pressure on him but I feel disrespected that they continue to hang as if I don’t exist. Maybe I’m just jealous that another woman gets so much of his time. I trust him and truly don’t think he has feelings but at the same time I don’t like that he benefits from so much affection from another woman. And why isn’t he trying to make other friends? It bothers me. I know I’m being jealous but something about it doesn’t feel quite right.
Can I ask him to change something about their dynamic or do I just need to grin and bear it?
TL;DR my partner spends a lot of time with his female colleague who doesn’t seem to respect our relationship.
2 comments
Given how she treated you and basically ignored your existence I think you’re well within your rights to tell your partner you aren’t happy about this. Maybe he’s missing the social cues? And not figuring out that she’s being flirty to the point of rudeness. BUT be prepared for upset, she’s his only friend I doubt he’s going to want to end their friendship.
Ah yes, the coworkers. I had a similar situation and when I finally did mention something to him he told her to chill and she called me insecure and made it big deal and that led to him not wanting to be her friend anymore.
I’m sure if it was the other way around he wouldn’t be cool with it.
I definitely think you need to talk to him about this.