This is probably the biggest catch 22 I’ve ever heard. If you’re actively looking for love, you won’t find it. When you stop looking it’ll find you. But if you’re not looking what if it doesn’t find you? What is this logic and who came up with this bs?
Anyway, I (23f) haven’t really dated and haven’t found anyone and haven’t been looking. I’m not expecting anything and tbh wanna focus on graduate school above all; it’s just frustrating I guess when there’s pressure to find somebody and marry coming from my family.
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I think this is true, but needs expanding.
Build an awesome life. Invest in yourself – education, career, friend and family relationships, fitness, hobbies. Expand your interests, travel, give back.
Looking for love comes from need, incompleteness. Build an awesome life and remain open to love. And if you love your life, you won’t be willing to trade pieces of it for anything mediocre.
It’s definitely terrible advice and in some ways sexist depending on who’s receiving the message
I get why people find this saying problematic but It more means learn to be happy with yourself, focus on being the best version of yourself and it will happen.
I think that’s just a nice thing people say so that you keep your chin up and continue developing yourself as a person instead of wasting all your energy on dating and thus becoming undatable yourself.
But yeah it is a catch 22 and mostly unhelpful
I personally believe in it. Both times when I wasn’t actively looking for love turned out to be my most fulfilling relationships. The rest were forced and met over dating apps and just crazy experiences overall. Of course it also won’t work if you’re confined to your bedroom day and night with no contact from the outside worlds
I also believe it’s true to a degree, but not as people think. If you’re not looking at all, you’re sat himr doing little then you’ll never meet someone.
I think what’s it’s more saying is just live your life and don’t put all your energy into looking.
I’ve gone through times of constantly been on apps and trying to meet others. I’ve spent time not.looking at all. My most successful times have been a balance of both. Been on the apps and trying to meet people but passively.
Setting sole limits of on what I’d accept but doing my own thing. Which led to me swiping on apps once or twice a week tops and not for long. And also in person, just talking and not thinking too much about interactions.
In the end I’ve ended up dating a girl who seems amazing! Only a couple of months in and only been on three proper dates due to our work schedules but they’ve all been long dates and have gone very well! Took us nearly a month to meet the first time. But it’s going well and I am hopeful it will continue to do so too!
Don’t look for love, look for fun, love will find you but run away from love. Haha!
I honestly don’t know where the saying came from but i found that this is exactly how I got with my partners.
Imo, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make a move and shit. I just think it’s far better to meet someone randomly, be it in a public setting or through some mutual friend instead of getting to know people through dating apps.
So that is how I interpret it: no need to actively look for people but when you do meet someone who catches your attention, you gotta make effort, sometimes be the one to initiate and stuff.
With my first boyfriend, i just randomly noticed him on the bus on my way to school and approached him. We dated for 8 months.
With my current partner, my father just showed me his profile on Facebook telling me to text him. (Our dads are colleagues). We’ve been together for a year and a half.
So imo the saying does make sense, just not in the way many would think.
I think it just means. Don’t go out with the obsession of finding love.
So it could be with Peter, or John, or Matt or whatever else name. It doesn’t matter as much as wanting to be in a relationship and finding love
I think that’s the wrong approach, focus on yourself, and be open minded. Try meet new people without putting all that pressure on wanting love. And I guess it will find you.
I had that attitude (actually I had the I need to be single attitude) and love found me somehow. Wasn’t on the cards but this guy really made me change my mind on it. And I’m glad it did
Also I’d like to say, I’d only want it with him. So if things didn’t work out I wouldn’t go out and try to replace it right away… hope it makes sense
Top 3 lie in the dating world
Yes I always joke that he will find me by falling into my balcony. Girl you need to put the effort.
The thing I find as a guy that even if you are social, have plenty of hobbies, friends if none of them get you around single, available women eventually you’ll have to be a bit more active and try and find love rather than letting it come to you.
Some people get lucky and live their life and still meet people but others may have to try harder depending on circumstances.
It’s BS, just like “good things come to those who wait.” No, good things come to those who go looking for them.
I think better advice is to try to make the pursuit about the journey, not just the destination. If you aren’t having a good time, change your approach or take a break.
Think of it like this: love and marriage are steps 10 and 15 in a relationship. When you go on dates you should only be looking for someone who you enjoy hanging out with. If you date with the intention of finding love you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself and the other person. The first date is only step one, focus on enjoying that step and worry about love when it’s time to worry about it.
Honestly, I disagree with that line. Some people find someone to love without trying. Some people don’t.
I barely dated through high school and college and didn’t fall in love until I was 25. When I finally did, it was after SO many bad dates. I wouldn’t have found a LTR if I hadn’t buckled down and looked for it. I knew some of the dates I went on weren’t gonna be stellar, but I went on them anyway, just to avoid ruling anything out. Finding my boyfriend was work, but I’m glad I did it.
I think the more accurate concept is don’t try to force anything that isn’t there. Don’t fixate on one person at a time until you’re in an actual exclusive relationship. Don’t look for love, look for connections and go from there.
You’re already doing that by “not finding anyone,” so I think dating would go well for you.
I’ve seen people in their 50’s that regret following this old saying. If you want someone in your life, you’re gonna have to put yourself out there and face all kinds of Rejections. Why are people so afraid of rejection if no one is gonna know about it unless the 2 parties involved?
If you aren’t looking the odds just aren’t in your favour. All my life I haven’t been looking really and just ONCE a girl fell in my lap. But never since. So you have to put in the effort.
Lol literally I keep having that mentality which is why I don’t like dating apps. But like no one ever approaches me, and when I’ve approached 2 people in the past year they had girlfriends they said. It’s hard out here 😪
Don’t look for a job, it’ll find you.
No it fucking won’t. ever.