If you check my last post you can see only a small piece of our issues.. I’m just so done being lied to. He can’t be honest with me even when I’ve promised to not leave him if he gives me the truth.. he continually gives me trickle truths… one here, one there, one more there… constantly opening the wound he created years ago.
I’ve been married twice before and they ended horribly.. I still had the hardest time leaving because I genuinely believe if someone loves you, they will do right by you. I’m struggling with hoping this is the last time.. he’s been scared straight.. he doesn’t want to lose his family… I love him and am having a hard time letting go when there’s still love there. I am so 50/50 with this decision because to me it’s almost like making the decision to put the family pet to sleep.. they’re old, not sure if you’re going to wake up and find they’ve passed in the night, blind, deaf, incontinent… do I make the choice to take them to the vet or hope they’ll have another year left to be with us.. what if a change of food helps? What if medication helps? Stuff like that.. but metaphorically for a relationship… sorry, I have an 18 year old dog so I’m facing this decision as well….
Has anyone been here before? No physical cheating as far as I know but a lot of lies and hurt. I need help…
3 comments
Yes I was like your husband at a point in my life. I lied about things or didn’t tell the whole story. I did some of those things thinking I was saving my wife extra stress or pain. We seperated in house for two years. I decided to work on myself and find out what went wrong so my next relationship would be better happier. I realized so much I did wrong and viewed in a harmful way. I gained the tools for emotional intelligence. I knew my marriage was over so I told my wife we should go to counseling to have a good divorce with all questions answered. We started in counseling and my wife couldn’t believe all the changes I had made and decided she wanted this new me instead of letting someone else. I then decided to give it a try since I still loved her. That was 2 years ago and we are happier and stronger than ever. It takes work and is worth it for yourself and for your marriage. Best wishes
You need to figure out why you would rather pretend he will change than leave him.
Would a professional be able to help you two solve these nagging issues?
But then liars are liars and they normally don’t magically change for the better. Yes, fear is a powerful motivator.
One question though, and I’m just asking, is he in a safe spot to tell the truth and not be slammed? I’ve known some people that made it impossible to tell them bad news so everyone lies to them. Definitely seen this at work more than once.