Ever since I (mid20sF) found out, I am seeing red. I want both my (ex??) partner (mid20sM) and the affair partner (early 20sF) to feel hurt or guilty or ashamed. I know that this is not a realistic thing- people do bad things all the time without caring about their consequences. Every time I picture the ways they were intimate, I can’t help but fantasize that they feel awful about themselves.
I don’t know what to do with these feelings, except feel them. But I’m suffering, I can’t breathe, my chest feels tight, I can’t focus on anything, I don’t know what to do. I am in therapy but my therapist is on vacation until mid-September. I don’t know how to take out this anger in a healthy manner before I can talk about it professionally. I’ve done nothing but lay around in bed since finding out. I’d love some guidance on how to handle this possibly from anyone who has been through this.
tldr: really hurt and angry from partner’s cheating. We have been together for almost 4 years.
3 comments
You want to make him remorseful? Focus on your career and your life, improve yourself and things around you, and go find you a man who will love you unconditionally, never cheat on you, and always treat you right.
Clean the house. Go to kickboxing. Get on your bike. Go hiking. Any place where you can get rid of a lot of energy and cry your eyes out at the same time. I swear, it helps.
And I hope you make that “ex” stick. You’ll never trust this person again, and you don’t have to. There are billions of people on the planet. Most don’t cheat.
My first boyfriend cheated on me with my best childhood friend. On that day, I lost the two people that mattered most in my life. Plus it was my second semester in college, and I was away from my family and other friends from back home.
I held my head up high and moved on. I realized that their behavior was not a reflection on me in any way. And due to the way they went about it, they deserved each other. They ended up dating for a year, and me and my former best friend lived in the same dorm. It made for some awkward random encounters, but I never let them see me suffer. Always with a smile on my face and cheerful! And then I’d go cry myself to sleep… Anyway, I focused on my classes, made new friends, found a new boyfriend (who also cheated on me haha, my picker was so broken!), and finally there were weeks and months when I didn’t think about them at all and I was able to be happy.
I’m in my 40s now, so I’ve been through quite a few things in life. People don’t change, at least not significantly in the short run. He will most likely cheat on her too, if she doesn’t cheat on him first. Life has a way of working that way.
And I’m sorry this happened to you. O hope you don’t blame yourself for something you didn’t do. Hope you’ll be able to move on and keep your head up high!