What’s healthy to expect from a relationship/love?

Just something I’ve been pondering over for a while.

TLDR: Is love expecting your partner to love every bit of you regardless of any flaws, and expecting your partner to be able to give up their home city and friends to be with you? Is it being flexible and growing the best parts of you that your partner appreciates? What’s healthy?

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I’m 19F, and I just broke up with my boyfriend a month ago (and had dated for a month). We knew each other for a year, and he was my best friend. He was not the cleverest person out there, nor was he drop dead gorgeous, but he was respectful, he was mature (compared to most other guys my age), and he was goofy. He knew the most about me, and I felt safe opening up about things I have never told anyone else. I was convinced that we were meant to be. It didn’t matter that we were in different states, it didn’t matter that he’s white and I’m of color, it didn’t matter that he never fully understood my struggles of being poc in a country that has (not all, ofc) racists, it didn’t matter about all the messed up histories of what his ancestors did to mine. I sincerely loved him and would have happily died for him.

And then we broke up. He wanted someone that could love him for every bit of him, but the one thing I wouldn’t compromise on was the thing that he took and stabbed me with. He knew how important it was to me, but in the end he decided he didn’t want to change himself -not even a slight bit- just to please his partner, and he kept asking me what if he failed to do that one thing that he knew was most important to me. He expected me to get up and leave my state (my city’s filled with many different ethnicities) to move to his (predominantly white) state and for me to give up my thoughts of possibly moving to another country with some of my relatives… literally to give up everything I’m familiar with to be with him. I get it, he had a few bad exes where he changed himself and wanted to make them happy and (in his words) “broke him when it didn’t work.” I get it, he likes America. For a few weeks, I was hurt but in the end, okay enough to try being friends with him. It hurt that he didn’t turn out to be the one, it hurt that we couldn’t compromise and at least try, it hurt that he expected me to be okay with some many changes “as long as we could be together” but I still did appreciate how he offered honest advice and how he gave unique perspectives about situations/issues I was working with.

So we’re kinda friends now, and we’re trying to be more honest with our feelings because a lot of misunderstandings hurt the relationship when we were dating. But now, every time I try to be honest with how I’m feeling, but not too detailed to avoid hurting him or being an ass, he says it sounds like I’m trying to start fights or that I’m twisting his words. I’m so frustrated and I don’t know if it’s worth the energy and time trying to at least be friends with him.

And then one of my other guy friends asked me out, let’s call him Y. Y is sweet and earnest, and even though we’ve only known each other for a month, he’s always being upbeat and trying to make me smile. But here’s the thing, when Y asked me out he was willing to compromise or change. (in his words) “I do not need someone that loves every part of me. I want a person that loves some parts of me, so that over time, I’ll be able to make those parts larger, until they love most, or even all of me. I don’t believe in finding the one, finding someone that just happens to like literally everything about you, and is literally perfect. I believe ‘the one’ is something you make, or create, after years of being in a relationship, and it is something you work for.”

So what is love, for all you more experienced adults?