As an ex-people pleaser, how can I hold a friend accountable for their behaviour without crossing their boundaries?

I want the best for the people I care about, and if I feel they are at risk of hurting themselves or others unnecessarily (or have already) or getting off track from their goals I feel the need to communicate my concern. I’m not very good at it, but it is SO much better than the passive, spineless enabling I did as a people pleaser before.

How do I do this while being fair? I’ve been accused of trying to ‘change’ one of my friends, which was honestly not my intention at all, though I can see why it came across that way. Either I misunderstood what they wanted or they didn’t communicate them very well.

Diamond Dallas Page’s attitude in
[Resurrection of Jake the Snake](https://youtu.be/Qf37h3lkMOU) is a good example of what I want to emulate. Not to the extreme of supporting someone with drug problems, but showing care through not tolerating bullshit, showing empathy within limits and supporting them with their goals.